Showing posts with label Fighting Siblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fighting Siblings. Show all posts

Fighting Children: How to Handle Sibling Rivalry

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Although there are more chances for siblings to become good friends, it is normal to experience sibling rivalry and understand how to deal with fighting children at home.  More often, a rivalry begins when another child is about to come.  The conflict may grow deeper.  They will start looking for things like toys, dress, food, and even parents’ attention.  As they continue to grow, their needs will have impact on how they deal with each other, and then fighting begins.

It is annoying to see fighting children most of the time. It is upsetting to live in a home that’s noisy and full of anxiety.  It is even harder to stop their sibling rivalry going on.  But it’s not bad at all because parents can have guideposts to work for peace between the two siblings.


There are a number of reasons why sibling rivalry and fighting never leave your home.  There’s a degree of strong competition and jealousy that causes arguments and backbiting.  But more factors can further create siblings rivalry that worsen the condition.  They may include the following: 

1. Needs for growing up. It is but common for fighting children to experience anxieties and varying needs that have direct influence to their lives.  For instance, toddlers shield their toys with exaggeration.  They are assertive most of the time.  When a baby grabs that toy, the toddler becomes forceful.  From there comes a sibling rivalry.

School-age children possess the concept of equality and fairness.They may wonder why their younger siblings get better attention.  Teens, on the contrary, have developed independence and individualism.  They dislike helping in household chores like caring for younger siblings.  These differences will strongly influence sibling rivalry.

2.  Unique Personalities. Fighting children take place when there’s individual temperament. Things like moods, flexibility, and character play roles that directly relate to a sibling rivalry.   For instance, if one of the children gets easily upset while the other one is relaxed, both may have sibling rivalry.  In the same manner, a child who lacks comfort, love, and support from parents would have hard feelings on his sibling who freely receives good treatment.

3.  Illness of sibling.  At times, there are some special needs that require more time and attention of parents like when a child is sick. Kids always feel jealous when parents do this since they don’t fully understand the reason why.  They may complain and feel envious.

4.  Fighting Parents. How children see their parents deal with conflicts is likely to be imitated by them.  If the husband and wife resolve a conflict with respect, and not being hostile, fighting children will embrace your technique of facing problems. On the other hand, if parents habitually slam the door, noisily debate, and disrespect each other, the same bad behavior will be replicated by the fighting children.


What to do when sibling rivalry fight begins

Obviously, it is not comfortable for all members of the family when sibling rivalry occurs.  There is always a tolerable level for the fighting children.  When the match begins, what should parents do? The following are highly recommended:

1.   Separate the struggling kids and wait till they have both calmed down. When things get worse, the best thing to do is give space to the siblings.  If not, the fighting becomes heightened.  Wait till anger and resentment have disappeared.  Then it’s time to talk about the sibling rivalry when both are not fuming.

2.   As much as possible, avoid joining the quarrel.  If you keep getting involved, you’re making it worse. You may intervene only if you think there’s physical injury going on. There is a tendency that you will favour one and dislike the other and a bigger problem may arise--more fighting in home.

3.   Parents may coach the fighting children using gentle words of advice. This is not the same with intervening.  They can be encouraged to resolve the issues themselves.  If you think there’s a need to step in, address the conflicts with both siblings.

4.   Avoid highlighting the sibling rivalry by pointing out who is at fault.  Don’t blame either one of them.  There’s a fight for two siblings, and if you join the fight you are relatively accountable.

5.   Prepare a win-win position for the fighting children to achieve something.  For instance, when a favourite toy is the source of the fight, probably an interesting game could be set up by you.  Both could enjoy and play together.

Always remember that sibling rivalry happens to receive the attention of their parents.  In this situation, why not take a time-out option for yourself. Fighting children may disappear when a parent leaves at the moment.  And if your patience reaches the limits, consider handing your children over to a third party—a relative or a friend probably. There is always a solution for fighting children.


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3 Helpful Tips How to Cope with Teenage Rebellion

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Teenage rebellion is psychologically recognized as a type of behavior that displaces race, status, and culture.  As part of emerging personality for adulthood life, a teenage life undergoes a stage to develop  an individualized identity.  It’s a condition teens want to prove they’re independent enough in making decisions and be responsible for their own actions.  Teenage life may try out various behaviors, roles, or philosophy. And because of these, they may display the advent of teenage rebellion.

Tips to dealing with teenage rebellion

1.   First, determine the original issue why rebellious teens are showing disorder behavior. Or, is rebellion just part of your teenager’s growing up?  There are conflicts that are normal between parents and teenagers, but this can’t be considered as teenage rebellion.  And there are struggles that openly display symptoms of teenage rebellion.  

Concerned parents—in their attempt to get a quick-fix on teenage rebellion—resolve only the shallow part of the problem.  Oftentimes, they miss targeting the root cause of teenage rebellion.  While some conflicts are considered natural, many situations actually indicate a deeper problem like “defiance” and “lack of respect.”  This state is all about a teenager’s life and not the parents'.  You don’t feel it that way if you always receive the outburst of rebellion. But teens only melt down before parents whom they trust, and this is a confirmed scientific fact.

As a result, it is best to identify the main cause of teenage rebellion.  Parents should know if there is the presence of depression.  Or, is there any option for them to take drugs? Can new friends be blamed on this? Or, is teenage rebellion the only way of searching for what is more important—your love and attention?  These serious conditions require appropriate handling. But undoubtedly, learn to figure out the major cause why there is rebellion.

2.   Next, understand that teenage rebellion is not beneficial.  The crucial thing of teens development task is to work out their role as an individual and to keep living self-sufficiently.  If they do challenge your protocol and push your limits, they’re only doing what they think is existing in the real world.  It’s the world that forces them to do self-made judgments for themselves and others.

Parents have all the opportunities to demonstrate ways to manage the lives of their teenagers and to overcome rebellion.  At the same time they can train them to respect other people and authority.  This, though, is difficult to do if you’re bombarded with warfare.  While it may be an exhausting and extended fight, the combat has a good purpose if properly managed.

Avoid ending up with an overwhelming teenage rebellion every now and then. As you see it, their disobedience makes you even more upset.  So keep reminding yourself that the formula is to prepare them to adulthood stage.  Subsequently, this condition of rebellion becomes more bearable for you.

3.   Lastly, abhor the teenage rebellion  but love your teenager.  Majority of teenagers are craving for their parents’ time and attention, even if your mind is saying different thoughts.  How often do you appreciate the good things they do?  Do you talk about their importance and what they want to share with you?  Are you asking them to join in your activities although most of the time they don’t feel like doing it?  Or is it only the acts of teenage rebellion that you often see? All these things are so critical for a teenage life although they may look unimportant to parents. 

Today’s teenage generation would prefer to be appreciated than to fight.  However, teenage rebellion occurs in order to fight than to be ignored. That is why parents are required to demonstrate genuine love and affection rather than focusing on rebellion. Although it may seem effective to them, over time they will end up creating a big difference in their attitude and behavior.

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Sibling Rivalry: What Mistakes Parents Do and How to Help Older Sibling

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Siblings who may view themselves as enemies are obviously having a hard time getting along with each other.  This growing sibling rivalry may become a major problem among families. Fighting and disagreements don’t just stop in childhood stage.  This condition may become worse as sibling rivalry continues to grow until they reach the adulthood life. 

Opposition against each other is a never-ending issue in a family relationship.  Consequently, a sibling rivalry gives stress and pressures to the children as well as to the parents.


Dealing with sibling rivalry


Many children can immediately adjust to a new member of the family.  However, their disagreeing relationship may still continue and this is a normal phenomenon. Parents may worsen the situation as they put more time and attention to the other child. Time and care is divided and the new child certainly gets more devotion compared to the older one. The older child is expected to see the changes and start feeling jealous.  Over time, he starts to feel he’s ousted. This becomes the substance of a budding sibling rivalry.



What mistakes parents do?


1.   Paying no attention to the severe sibling rivalry and taking such as a normal condition.


2.   Not training both kids to resolve fights.


3.   Failing to demonstrate right skills in coping with sibling rivalry.


4.   Regularly taking sides.  One child receives more favor over the other.


5.  Unreasonable expectations from the older child.


6.  Reprimanding the older child more often due to rivalry.


7.  Too much spoiling or cuddling of the younger child.   

8.  No consistent attention, support, caring for the older child.


9.  Failing to teach anger management, self-control and long patience.


10. Frequently putting all the blame on the older child without valid reasons.



Helping to adjust sibling rivalry


What parents should do in order to cope with potential rivalry?  They are to encourage the older child to get involved in the younger child’s life starting from birth onwards.


Prior to birth, get the participation of the older child in order to avoid the advent of sibling rivalry.  Give simple responsibilities such organizing the baby’s toys, clothes, crib, pictures, etc.  Read fun and interesting books—about waiting for a new baby—that will excite the child.


Once the new sibling is born, parents should increase the amount of responsibility given to the older child: to love, hug, and kiss the newborn.  Teach him to consider the needs and feelings of the new sibling.  Help him comfort the baby and be nice to him always to resolve sibling rivalry.



How should parents mediate?


Parents play an important role is dealing with the serious sibling rivalry.  Quarreling children may also result to severe emotional IQ that deals with psychological and social behaviors. So as they fight, parents can use this opportunity to train them to face and resolve the issues. 


Use sibling rivalry to help them solve disagreements, assert themselves properly, and manage bad emotions.  This situation will be good opportunities to appreciate the other sibling’s perspective and to sympathize with him.  Sibling rivalry would have been developed into a bad habit if parents had not intervened in their lives. If the conflict is not solved immediately, it will have a bad effect on the social life of the child—in school and community.


In conclusion, sibling rivalry has a great craving for love and attention from parents.  You can address the needs of your older child by not closing your eyes to him.  Keep on spending special times as much as you do with his new sibling.  Continue to provide unconditional love, routines and activities you used to have before.  Out of this sibling rivalry should both of them learn values, respect, self- control, and conquering impulses. Parents should do something about the fighting kids or sibling rivalry will last for a lifetime.



Sibling Rivalry: What Mistakes Parents Do and How to Help Older Sibling   is a post on Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children


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10 Solutions to Constantly Fighting Siblings

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Fighting siblings have been around since the beginning of time, literally. It can stem from jealousy or even just age difference. It is our responsibility as adults to help kids work through their differences, in a calm and respectful manner. Listed below are ten solutions to constantly fighting siblings. 

1.   Don’t Take Sides. If a child notices an adult taking sides or favoring their sibling, they may start to resent both parties. Remember to be impartial, and look at both sides of the situation.
2.   Cooperation. Have the fighting siblings do activities that require them to work together, rather than against each other. Focus on cooperative games and not competitive ones. 

3.   No Whining. Coach the fighting siblings and teach them to use a normal tone of voice when asking for something. If they start to whine, even when talking to a sibling, have them start over and ask again. They are much more likely to share with the other sibling, if their tone of voice is not shrieking or demanding. 

4.   Alone Time. Make sure that fighting siblings have an adequate amount of time that they get to spend by themselves. Having a younger sibling that always tags along can get irritating, so make sure that you attempt to provide them time on their own too.

5.   One-on–One Time. Not only do kids need to have time for themselves, they also need some one-on-one time with their parents and caregivers. Make sure that you are giving both fighting siblings some undivided attention on a regular basis. 

6.   Negotiate. Negotiating is a valuable skill that will come in handy later in life. Work with the children to learn to share their toys. During the negotiations, have the fighting siblings express their own emotions. This will help the other to see both sides. 

7.   Hold Them Accountable. Avoid letting the “he started it” to set in, and help them to see that it takes two to have an argument. Show them how their actions are not improving the situation. 

8.   Get Them Involved. Start a dialog to help the fighting siblings see the other person’s point of view. Ask the fighting siblings what they would have done, ask them if what they did was right and ask them how it should have been done differently. 

9.   Role Play. Once they have figured out how the problem should have been handled, have them act it out. After practicing the right way to handle a situation, fighting siblings will be better equipped if it comes up again. 

10.  Set a Better Example. Take some time to think of how you react to stressful situations. Do you fly off the handle and yell or throw things? If so, how can you expect fighting siblings to behave differently? We need to be good role models for fighting siblings, and lead by example.

The fact is, fighting siblings will not always get along, and it is the job of their parents to help ease them through conflicts. Keep a calm head. Try some of the techniques above, and you will be well on your way to teaching them great conflict resolution skills.

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10 Solutions to Constantly Fighting Siblings  is a post on Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children


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