Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Quarreling Parents: How They Hurt Their Children

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Most quarreling parents differ with their partner’s principles on various occasions.  No one agrees on all things in this world. Disagreeing moments with each other are normal and natural in families. But how they handle conflicts with one another has a lasting impact on their children—in their emotional health, and in the decisions they’ll be making in life later.

If the husband and wife act in acceptable manner, they will know how to manage their differences in peaceful way. However, this seldom happens.

More often, either one or both parents handle their differences in unfriendly manners.  This is how quarreling parents get started and this leads to bigger family issues.

Although one spouse may be mature enough, the other aggressive partner won’t let this one to peacefully settle the difference.  Kids basically need their mom and dad.  Kids need two happy parents who are not supposed to hurt children.


Quarreling parents -- a terrifying time for children

Big family issues just started from a simple disagreement and misunderstanding.  Soon it rises up into hurting words and shouting, and these hurt the children.  Some homes have tears, others have shoving, pushing, or beating. It’s not their kids who are out of control, it’s the parents.  Parents are fighting again.

Seeing quarreling parents are even harder on the part of the kids. When one or two of the parents lose their control, it completely rocks the children’s world.  If the parents are not solid and reasonable, then the child’s security is ruined. 

Quarreling parents produce children who feel tensions and hostility. They become mentally and emotionally upset. This is observed on the kids’ faces and their body language. They tend to shrink, tremble, or hide. Some kids get nauseous, hold their breath, and start to hyperventilate. Others cry.  All of them are scared stiff.



Hurting children—is this their mistake?

Children have only a small world inside the home.  Centering on themselves, families and their limited life’s exposure, they think their quarreling parents are directly related to them.  Parents can unconsciously hurt their children.

When parents have quarreling, regardless of the reasons, most children put the blame on themselves. They perceive that the fight was triggered by them so they see their parents fighting.

Kids think that if they had been good, they would not have quarreling parents. Worse, kids internalize the struggles and develop anxiety within themselves.

Although kids can’t do anything to change the circumstances, the anxiety consumes them inside out.  Feelings of insecurities and doubts fill their world, and they begin to experience low self-esteem. Quarreling parents should understand well how their fights hurt their children.  
One important thing parents can do is to set a healthy parent relationship to display on children.  They should learn to develop effective communication and conflict resolution techniques.   If quarreling parents is the family issue at home, then kids will always chase fights in the family.  Remember: Children do what they hear and see from their parents.  Should quarreling be helpful then for you, your kids, and family?  Come to think of it.

Quarreling Parents: How They Hurt Their Children  is  a post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

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Unconditional Love of Parents for Children: Overcoming Anger, Criticism and being Strict

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In this present time, still there’s one brand of family love that is able to satisfy your children, make you whole and make you happy—unconditional love.  It doesn’t change despite the modern generation we now have.  It conquers anger, criticism, and being strict.  It’s all about genuine caring of parents for children with no thoughts of getting something in return.

Accepting children as they are is something parents must do.  Control is not essentially a conscious act.  As parents, you may consider you’re giving unconditional love to your kids but if their compliant personalities make them feel controlled by your anger or criticism, you must be the one to change.
Never assume your kids already know you love them.  Always demonstrate “I love you” in words and actions.  Keep speaking good to your kids, especially when it is in the power of your hand to do it.

The Power of Unconditional Love

1.    Unconditional Love Controls Anger – Find out right ways to cope with your anger so you won’t become abusive to your children.  Never sort to anger to get the kids obey you, although it works.  This is a control mechanism, and control is offensive and abusive.  Learn to recognize the warning signs of anger.  In case you lose your temper, parents should take the courage to apologize to their children.  Explain that your deeds have nothing to do with your love for them.  You love them as they are.

2.    Unconditional Love Stops Criticizing – Parents, never excuse yourselves by calling it “constructive criticism.”  Criticism is embarrassing and unhealthy.  It results to low self-worth to children.  Over time, it can turn love feelings to resentment.  Why not catch your kids doing good things and affirm their actions.  Instead of criticizing, why not provide compliments, caring touch, words of support and encouragements to your children.  It works far better than constructive criticism.

3.    Unconditional Love Lightens up Restrictive Nature – You don’t need to control the whole world—or run the lives of your kids.  There’s no need to remind frequently about their mistakes and what to do.  If parents keep commanding, demanding, and bossing them around, it will empty the kids’ love cups.  Instead be kind to say “How do you feel about that?  And what do you think about the situation?”  Listen to them twice as much as possible.  Learn to be a convincing person, not a forceful parent.

4.    Unconditional Love Monitors your Expression of Disappointment.  Be sure your expectations of others are achievable as well as realistic.  Make clear that your acceptance of them is not performance-based.  Little kids are longing for the approval of their parents.   But mostly, a look of disappointment, a shake of the head, deep sigh, and a frown from parents are painful wounds.  They signal disapproval and failure.

5.    Unconditional Love Allows Children to Decide.  Support your kid’s autonomy.  Bring them into decision making.  They way children make decisions is building their own self-worth, confidence and power.  Let them decide unless there is a reason for parents not to allow them.  Surely, children will feel better about themselves.

Next time, don’t allow your high standards get in the way of a love-based relationship.  What your children need from you is one thing—unconditional love.  Wave the rules within the family.  Be flexible.  Get rid of anger, criticism, and being strict.  Respond positively to family members and your life as parents will never be the same!


Unconditional Love of Parents for Children: Overcoming Anger, Criticism and being Strict   is a post on Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach toTrain & Discipline Children


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Father's Day: Coping with Distant Relationship in 6 Ways

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I’m a dad of a seven-year-old daughter and our on-going father-daughter long-distance relationship isn't doing well.  Because of my job, I have been away from my wife and daughter for about six years now.  Although we see each other every month (when I visit them), it seems to me that I have been missing a lot of her growing years.  Time passes by so swiftly that she’s now a big girl.  I don’t want her to fail the experience of having a father, and me for having a daughter.   How will I do it in such a way that it would be like having both of us living in one home?
 
More often, a father-daughter long-distance relationship is demanding and complicated and to sustain the connection is even more difficult.  But you can build an excellent bonding with your daughter while working from afar. Here are helpful tips to keeping the intimacy working with your daughter.  With the help of her mother or guardian you can begin improving a good relationship with her:
1.   Plan for permanent time where both of you can communicate each day.  Never let any schedule cause to get in the way.  This is where commitment time begins.  

2.   Make the communication cheerfully active.  Pass up any uninteresting moment with your little girl.  Make your time work by discussing about her likes, interests, and hobbies.  Be inspired in your conversation.  Keep in mind that you’re making a quality time with her.   Be certain that each moment is very crucial in improving your relationship.

3.   Learning to express freely your feelings and thoughts are important for the stability of the relationship.  Affirm to your little daughter how much you truly love her. Through expressing your emotion, this ensures a long-running commitment and bonding.  On her part, let her also reciprocally express herself to you.  Both of you can cope up with this distance problems.

4.   Work out for fun and playful dialogues.  Children love to play as well as learn in so many different ways. Give many interesting children stories your daughter likes to hear from you.  Vary your tone of voice by making it unique or you can imitate animal sounds.   It will sound more exciting if you can mimic her favorite cartoon characters. You could go wherever you want to.  This will last for longer hours and before you realize, you're improving a lot in your father and daughter relationship.

5.   Take advantage of the internet to connect with your daughter. The internet is an important tool to bringing together lots of people.  Not only can you speak with her by way of free messaging or email, but you can also do it using services on-line at no cost at all.   A webcam can help you take time to chat with her.

6.   Make a website for both of you.  Today, images, videos clips, easy messaging, making journals, calendar of activities can be quickly uploaded or arranged on-line.   You as her far-away father will find access to her daily activities at home and in school.  On the other hand, your small girl finds updates in your place of work, too.

A progressive father-daughter distant relationship is now made possible in this modern time.  Consequently, any physical detachment is not anymore a big hindrance.  Make use of this present technology to deepen, empower, and strengthen your relationship! 


Father's Day: Coping with Distant Relationship in 6 Ways  is  a post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children



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