Showing posts with label Family Issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Issues. Show all posts

Defiant Kids – How to Control Defiant Children

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Controlling Defiant Kid
Why are defiant kids answering you back most of the time?  You can hear and see defiant kids bickering all the time, with their parents or siblings.  What to do with defiant children? What are the keys to controlling defiant kids?  This article will give practical suggestions to help out parents on handling their angry children.

Why are defiant kids always angry?

Defiant children are always frustrated, irritated, angry, and searching for external blame.  They behave under the notion that they possess the same degree of wisdom and authority with parents or adults.  This assumption results to furious interaction with their friend, classmate, or anyone in authority such as troubled parents. 


When a mother or a father resorts to extreme scolding, defiant kids can influence the situation.  Children are able to turn the attention on the behavior of their parents.  Defiant children are branded as uncompromising, aggressive and explosive.  Generally, their parents are afraid to set some certain limits because chaos always follows.   Underlying problems about the defying behavior may come from emotional problems of children due to fights with parents, rejection of friends, traumas, and conflicts with siblings.  The child may demonstrate defiant behavior every now and then, and he may have an Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).




In general, expert therapists discuss that parents must have thorough understanding about their child’s angry behavior.  The process is to bring every member of the family closely knitted to each other.  Often, nobody can confirm or guarantee the reasons behind the child’s bad behavior. The development of this behavior has something to do with how the child is being raised and disciplined.  The way family members react on the defiant child really matters.


 Members of the Family and the Defiant Children


It will be very hard for all the members of the family to truly understand the condition.  The child possessing a defiant character can generate many troubles for himself, siblings, parents, and to most people interacting with him.   Conversely, a hostile attitude will be a severe problem when displayed frequently every day.    Their behavior is obviously different when compared with other kids of similar age.  The developmental behaviors of defiant kids will potentially affect their academic learning, family, and social life.


It is very useful to have psychotherapy for the family.  This will develop good communication in assisting problem solving.  The approach decreases negativity.  Social skills will upsurge flexibility and will develop disappointment acceptance with peers.


Put end to your child’s defiant behavior.  Stop the bad, misleading behavior and see a child psychiatrist with many years of experience.  Controlling defiant children is actually teaching your kids to experience having more fun.  Parents should display less stress and troubles to control defiant children.


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Fears: Developmental Fears Children Face (based on certain age)

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Developmental Fears Children Face
Fears can be found from kids of different ages. There are different fears children face in different stages, a reality that happens typically to every child.  Each fear is specific, based on a certain age. 


The following are some of the most common developmental fears children face.  If your child exhibits them, take him seriously, but don’t give him excessive attention.  

The first year: Fear of strangers and separation from parents are primary fears.  Other fears involve sudden loud noise, falling, animals, sleep and doctor.

The one-year-old:  Many of the fears of the first year continue.  Others that develop are fear of the dark, thunder and lightning, toilet training, and the bath.

The three-year-old:  Fears of new situations, the dark, dogs, scary noises, separation from parents may continue.  New fears revolve around the child’s developing imagination.  Fear of monster is very common.

The four-year-old:  New fears involve bad thoughts and loss of control such as bed-wetting.  Primary is the fear of losing a parent.

The five-year-old:  Many of the earlier fears persist, but they are based more in reality than previously.  Losing mother or the caretaker parent remains the primary fear.

The six-year-old:  Fears are more intense and specialized (big dogs).  Fears of monsters, ghosts, wild animals, sleeping or staying alone, water and separation from parents are common.  The six-year-old is also afraid of bodily injury and will often exaggerate minor injuries.

The seven-year-old:  Normal fears include supernatural beings, the dark, the things seen on TV or in a movie, shadows, heights, spies, burglars, adoption, being late in school, new situations, and social rejections.

The eight-year-old:  Many of the fears of the year before continue, but the 8-year-old is more likely to worry about the situation, often making himself face his fear as a means of resolving it.

The nine- to twelve-year-old:  Most fears revolve around realistic situations such as tests in school, crime in the neighborhood, being left alone, natural hazards, bodily injury to self or loved ones, physical appearance, and social popularity.

The teen years:  Typical fears include snakes, heights, the dark, deep water, getting lost in the woods, and being alone.  Primary fears concern social performance sexuality.

As your child matures, use good stories and people’s experiences to teach him to face his fears. There is nothing your child should fear about, eventually he will outgrow his struggles and overcome them. As responsible parents, do something to get rid of the fears your children face.


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Child Abuse: Understanding Types of Child Abuse and How to Avoid Them

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Child abuse is failing or doing something that could result to injury or harm to a child.

An abuser is someone who fails to take care of a child, bodily injures the child, or communicates sexually with the child.
What are the types of child abuse?

  • Emotional 
  • Physical 
  • Neglect
  • Sexual 
Emotional child abuse:
Emotional abuse is the most harmful type of child abuse. Emotional abuse is an action, behavior or failure to do something that upsets the child’s social development or mental health.
This type can come from a verbally simple insult to a severe type of punishment.  This is found together with the other forms of child abuse.
Emotional abuse stays for a longer time.  It has more psychiatric negative effects than sexual or physical abuse. As a result, emotional abuse is practically the same as verbal abuse, mental abuse, or psychological abuse.
Instances for emotional abuse always include fault finding, humiliation, labeling, branding, showing disrespect, or any action that hurts the self-esteem of the child.

Physical child abuse is an act that results to injury done through physical violence. Some bases acts of injury include hitting, burning, pushing, punching, shaking, cigarettes burning, kicking, scalding water, beating or other form of physical hurting.  Some signs showing physical abuse include repetitive injuries, bruises, burns, head injuries, illness, frequent crying, fatigue, bite marks and fear of people.

Neglect:
Neglect is also a common form of child abuse. Most children of today experience more neglect than sexual or physical abuse. Symptoms of neglect are failure to provide the child’s basic needs, physical hunger, and clothes not appropriate to weather.

There are 3 forms of neglect: physical, emotional, and educational neglect.
  • Educational neglect is the inability to supply necessary schooling.
  • Physical neglect is the inability of parents to provide food, clothing, and proper health care.
  • Emotional neglect is the inability to provide unconditional love, emotional needs and psychological care.
Sexual child abuse:
Sexual child abuse is a traumatic experience of children. It involves physical acts between the child and the adult.  Warning signs of sexual abuse include difficulty in sitting or walking, genital pain, extreme hostility, seductiveness, troubles in sleeping or eating, frequent crying, feeling lonely, avoiding interactions with others.

How to prevent child abuse?
  • Discipline the child but do not spank. Avoid disciplining if you are anger or out of control.
  • Guard your child against sexual matters on the net.
  • Be warned when someone displays greater interest in the child.
  • Adults, parents must be caring and loving towards their children.
  • Establishing preventive services such as activities on public education, programs on family support, and seminars on parental education.
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Child Abuse: Understanding Types of Child Abuse and How to Them  is a blog post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach for Training & Disciplining Children



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Warning Symptoms and Physical Signs of Sexual Abuse or Incest


Warning Symptoms and Physical Signs of Sexual Abuse or Incest

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Seek for immediate medical treatment if you observe any of the following warning symptoms and physical signs of physical abuse or incest on your child.  Discuss with the physician, share the problems with them. Get a report from the doctor should there be physical evidence of incest or sexual abuse.

Incest physical warning signs could demonstrate the following:
   1.   Rectal pain, discharge, swelling, itching, and bleeding.
   2.   Vaginal pain.
   3.   Difficulty in swallowing, urinating or bowel movements.

   4.   Headaches or stomach pains.
   5.   Infections of the body’s private parts.
   6.   Cannot sit or walk comfortably.
   7.   Recurring attempts to leave the house.
   8.   Promiscuity and / or prostitution.

Behavioral signs accompanied by sexual abuse or incest include:
   1.   Irregular eating like biting, hair pulling or cutting.
   2.   Severe behavioral changes and disorders.
   3.   Lacking self-worth accompanied with poor human interactions.
   4.   Childish attitude like bedwetting, screaming, or thumb sucking.
   5.   Fear of night or dark, sleeplessness, or repetitive nightmares.
   6.   Extremely frightened by a specific person.
   7.   Uncommon knowledge about sexual matters.
   8.   Grades continue to get low.
   9.   Telling lies most of the time.
  10.  Displaying signs of depression.

It’s so significant to remember that these signs of sexual abuse or incest can also be common problems.  Some of these symptoms could be the cause of traumatic experiences and not essentially incest. Neither could they be warning signs of sickness like depression.  Others remain red flag signs of sexual abuse or incest in the family.

The above signs must get the attention of the concerned parent.  What should a parent do to help the child?

   1.   An initial effective move is to talk to the child. 
   2.   Give the child more time to talk and interact with you.
   3.   Be more interested; always ask further questions.
   4.   Let the child feel your genuine support and love.
   5.   Make her feel you’re there to make her strong, confident, and happy.
   6.   No matter what happens, assure your continual love.
   7.   Increase your discussion with peers, counselors and teachers.
   8.   Figure out the child’s activities, friends, and people she spends time with.

If you feel there is an on-going incest or physical sexual abuse in your home, you suspect a certain individual as the perpetrator.  Contact one of the crisis or child abuse centers in your local area.  Give your concerns to an advocate.  Their advice on sexual abuse or incest could be effective and helpful.

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Warning Symptoms and Physical Signs of Sexual Abuse or Incest  is a blog post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach for Training & Disciplining Children

Family Meetings: Resolving Family Issues and Conflicts through Family Meetings

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Because there is continual interaction between family members, the complexity of living may seem overwhelming, but a constructive approach of resolving family issues and conflicts is always possible.  Good communication between all members is essential, especially during periods of stress and anger.  No families are completely free of problems.  Even those who seem ideally happy encounter inevitable problems that must be solved.
  
Although being an effective parent is sometimes hard, we must remember to celebrate the existence of our children and ourselves.  As we explore new ways to help our children feel good about themselves, we are fulfilling a primary goal of parents.  One of the most rewarding jobs in life is raising decent, healthy, and ultimately useful human beings.

A good place to resolving family issues and conflicts is through family meetings.  They are a good place to work on the problems and needs through discussions. 

Obviously, parents set the atmosphere that determines whether meetings will be successful or not in dealing with issues and conflicts. Parents can make their children feel that family meetings are a safe place to share thoughts and feelings without dominating the discussion. 


Consider the following when having family meetings:

1.     Family meetings should not be scheduled more frequently than once a week.

2.     Everyone of the family should look forward to them rather than dread the issues and conflicts.

3.     Plan them for times when no one is likely to be hungry or tired.  Parents sometimes make the mistake of using these sessions solely to air complaints about their children—a sure way to make the children resist attending.

4.     Family meetings should provide time both to reflect on positive aspects of  life and not to mention purely on issues and conflicts.

5.     Planning positive statements about each person can be helpful.  Everyone likes to hear that good behavior does not go unnoticed, and everyone likes to receive a compliment.

6.     In resolving family issues and conflicts, discuss only essential problems and ignore the insignificant family issues.

7.     During family meetings, every member should be encouraged to be a good listener as well as to make constructive contributions.  Even 4 and 5 year-olds can learn to participate in resolving conflicts and issues.

8.     Working together allows family members to see that there is more than one way to solve any particular problem.  If one solution does not work, then everyone involved can help choose another.

9.     Sometimes we take ourselves and each other too seriously.  We must remember to have fun together.  Smiles and laughter can brighten our spirits and reduce tensions.

10.     A sense of humor can help family meetings put things into perspective and lighten emotional load.  During sorrowful times of resolving family issues and conflicts, our families comfort us and we celebrate each other’s victories and accomplishments.

Family can eliminate unwanted habits or change objectionable behavior patterns.  Family meetings teach children to make informed decisions and how to evaluate them.  Children also learn that conflicts can be resolved constructively. Even at the most stressful times, a hug from someone we love can bring a big help.  Affection between members can make it easier to cope with the problems of daily living and family meetings are the best tools in resolving family issues and conflicts.

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Family Meetings: Resolving Family Issues and Conflicts through Family Meetings  is a blog post on  ModernParenting Tips&Styles for Children

A Spoiled Child: 10 Signs That Your Child is Spoiled

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Signs your child is spoiled.
What are the signs to know that your child is spoiled?  Spoil me rotten! Many parents will say that they don’t spoil their child with unending amounts of hugging, rocking, holding, or cooing.  Over-indulgence can make a child spoiled especially when she has passed already her toddler years.  It is so simple to get the spoiled child on the playground and yet it’s much difficult to use a critical eye for us the parents.


Here are the top 10 signs of a spoiled child:

1.   Often, she’s throwing tantrums.  Whether at home or in public, a spoiled child frequently throws many tantrums, and would not care about the people watching around her.


2.   She always feels dissatisfied.  Generally, a spoiled child cannot express complete satisfaction with what she has.  If she sees a toy or something, she will still want to get it.

3.   A spoiled child is lazy to help and work.  Child normally doesn’t like to help in cleaning up or doing household chores.  But the moment a child has passed her toddler stage, she must be willing to help in the family like doing small tasks, and organizing or cleaning her own stuff.  

4.   She always wants to control her parents and other adults.  A spoiled child oftentimes will not delineate between her parents and peers.  She will always expect both of them to listen to her.

5.   Most of the times a spoiled child will make you feel angry and embarrassed in public.  There is always a mistake here and there.  If in case a child expressly embarrasses her mother or father in public just to look for attention, you better go to an isolated place.

6.   She doesn’t like to share.  Small toddlers find it hard to master the art of sharing and giving. However, if she reaches her 4th age, she must already be willing to share her stuff like toys and food, with other members of the family.  

7.   A spoiled child wants you to beg her.  A person in authority like the parents or caretaker should be followed by a child when giving a request to her.  There is no need for you to beg her to make the task done.

8.   She ignores you most of the time. A child does not want hearing a word like “no” but she’s not supposed to pay no attention to you when you’re talking to her.  She must learn to listen and do what you say.

9.   She cannot play by herself; she doesn’t want to play alone.  At the age of 4, a child must then be able to play and be willing to play on her own.  It demonstrates that she’s still in need of attention if she calls her parents and playmates to play with her.

10.  A spoiled child wants bribing. Parents are not supposed to bribe their children in doing their assignments or when performing some tasks.  Avoid bribing with toys, money, or treats just to get her finish what she’s doing.

Probably, the simplest thing parents can do to is to have a spoiled child, and it is more difficult if we learn to keep the child punished.  So put some limits to yourself to make things a lot easier.  Limitations will set boundaries to your kid’s every need and demand.  Allow yourself as parents to agree some limits with your children, and you’ll be amazed how these 10 signs that your child is spoiled will ultimately be over.

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A Spoiled Child: 10 Signs That Your Child is Spoiled  is  a post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children




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There are no Bad Little Kids

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Kids are dirty, messy, and expensive but there are no bad little kids.  They keep you from doing what you would like to do so you can drive them around to do what they want to do.  They are selfish, demanding, grungy little creatures that destroy your house, your car, and about everything else you hold dear. 


Yet they are the neatest things ever to happen to anyone. I love mine. I may not like yours and I certainly do not expect you to like mine. But I know you love yours just like I do mine.

Kids are just so cool so there are really no bad little kids.  They are always on the lookout for a good time.  They eat when they are hungry, sleep when they are tired, and love you unconditionally.  And they are your responsibility.  You are responsible for what they learn and how they act.  Kids act the way they do because they were taught to act that way.


BEING BAD LITTLE KIDS IT IS NOT THE KIDS’ FAULT

You know those little kids you see in the mall and in restaurants that are just so bad?  The ones who throw their food, run all over the place screaming, and make everyone around them miserable? The ones so ill-mannered you just want to jerk them up yourself and take control of the situation?  Those kids appear bad and they drive you crazy!!

What I have to remind myself is that the little kids are not bad at all and do not need to be spanked or scolded.  There are no bad little kids; there are only bad parents.  It is not the kid’s fault he is running around the restaurant screaming like a banshee.  It is the parents’ fault.  The little kid does not need to be reprimanded, the mama and daddy do. 

Little kids behave exactly the way they are allowed to behave—no better, no worse.  They push their limits.  They are supposed to push their limits; it’s part of growing up.  It is the responsibility of the parents to set limits and boundaries for the child to live within, then discipline accordingly when they do not.


DISCIPLINE IS A MUST

There are no bad little kids; parents must love their kids enough to discipline them.  A lack of discipline is simply a lack of love.  I’m not saying you should spank them or stand them in a corner or give them a time out.  That is your business and there are people much more qualified than I to talk about those things.  Just be consistent in your discipline and try to make the punishment fit the crime. And please, do it privately.  Do not scream and smack your kid in front of the rest of us.  It is embarrassing to the kid and to all who have to witness it.   

Remember, there are no bad little kids; they are only copying what they see from parents and other members of the family.

Article written by Larry Winget. Click to see more of Larry's works.

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How to Stop Child's Temper Tantrums in 4 Fastest Ways

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How to Stop Child's Temper Tantrums
What measures should parents do to stop child’s temper tantrums? Why do little children do these annoying and embarrassing tantrums?  Why can’t they wait, stop or behave well?

This is always the scene: You’re in a hurry and just about to pay your grocery items, then your child starts to ask for a chocolate bar. With your firm ‘No’ answer he still insists many times until he loses his tantrum. He cries out loud and starts to stomp his feet publicly and you can't stop him.  Confronted with temper tantrums is one of the most irksome scenarios commonly experienced by parents.

Just like children, adults also have moments of emotional outbursts once in a while.  Remember the time you’re totally maddened because your printer was down and you had to complete badly your task? You have thrown papers, screamed and acted with anger beyond control. Basically, we call it the “adult tantrum.” The great temper of the child in the grocery store is much like similar with the strong emotions you experienced—frustrations! Children become angry also; they are just like us. And it’s truly difficult to stop child’s temper tantrums directly. 
Temper tantrums basically are the children’s fastest ways of expressing any obstruction with the things happening around them. This is hard to accept, but kids still lack the self-discipline that breeds success.  They need self-control when dealing with different situations.  The best thing to understand as parents is to control and stop the child’s temper tantrums before they do this to us.

Key tips to help parents stop child’s temper tantrums

1.   Help the kid to have control over the situation. Parents sometimes can’t stop temper tantrum because the child simply wants a bit of “independence.”  Help them by offering some few choices in creating little decisions. Ask what they prefer to eat for breakfast: hotdog or fried egg, milk or chocolate.  Consider giving your kids at least 2 options in making his preference.

2.   Find immediate ways to divert their attention.  Common children have very limited attention spans. They swiftly change their concentration almost every minute. Take advantage of this opportunity to stop your child’s temper tantrums.  Show your kid his new toy or attractive book and gently talk to him. If you plan to go outdoors, bring pieces of stuff to distract his temper tantrums just in case he starts to scream.   

3.   Make it very quick.  Children by nature easily get bored and tired so they resort to temper tantrums.  No level of distraction can fight off tantrums once they lost control.  Be conscious enough about the warning signs your child is displaying like complaining, little crying, and reasoning.  They are red flags showing that something not good is about to happen.  So get some alerts from these signs to stop the coming bad behavior.

4.   Lack of love and attention.  Finally, remember that children always seek for your attention.  So you can stop child’s temper tantrums simply by giving quality time and care. Children are very smart; they know that unhelpful attention (like being reprimanded) is much better than not getting attention at all. Be generous in giving appreciation and rewards to your children.  Always plan to do things together every day, even for a few minutes.  Complete a puzzle with him, narrate a short story, work together, play with him, and so on. The reward is amazing—you could stop the child’s temper tantrums and he begins to behave positively.  He would try his best to stop his outburst of emotions.

Temper tantrums always come and go to children’s lives as well as to ours. Your responsibility as parents is to let them realize that bad behaviors are not suitable—in public and in homes.  Loving parents can help stop their child’s temper tantrums by making rules, setting limitations, and modelling for good behavior.

We hope the above tips can help you resolve and stop some of the recurring issues between you and your child. Understand that to totally stop a child’s temper tantrums is not easy, but you can make a place where both of you can effectively handle it together—successfully! 

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How to Stop Child's Temper Tantrums in 4 Fastest Ways  is  a post on  Modern Parenting Tips & Styles

Related topics to read on:
  1. Discipline Challenge on Bad Behaviors: Why Children Always Ignore their Parents
  2. Modern Children: Are They Hard to Discipline Now?
  3. Why Children Misbehave -- Bad Behaviors Require Parents’ Non-Reaction 

Symptoms of Computer and Video Games Addiction

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Children who have experienced video games addiction understand that this is real and happening.  There are confirmations that all ages (especially teens and pre-teens) are confronted with real consequences associated with addiction when using computers and video games.


What are the symptoms of video games addiction for your children?


1.  During non-school hours, kids are always playing video games or using computer.
2.  Feeling sleepy inside the class room.
3.  Can’t do regular school assignments.
4.  Grades continue to become worse.
5.  Telling lies about using computer and playing video games.
6.  Feeling annoyed when missing the opportunity of playing video games.
7.  Prefer to use computer rather than interacting with family members and peers.

Video Games Addiction and the Physical Signs:

1.  Lack of sleep
2.  Pain on neck and back
3.  Tired and dried eyes
4.  Missing regular meals
5.  Regular stress injuries
6.  Lack of care for the body


Survey for Video Games Addiction:

These statements can help you identify if your children have addiction to computer and video games. If you agree with the sentences below, please answer them with “yes.”

  My child is very happy when playing video games.
  My child becomes ill-tempered if not playing.
  My child displays tantrum when told to stop playing games.
  My child longs for more time to play.
  More of his time is used for playing games.
  He keeps thinking about games.
  Most of his friends are on-line peers.
  His friends are also addictive game players.
  Likes using computer or play video games more than spending time with friends and family.
  He neglects household chores, and school assignments.
  He attempts to cut back on playing, but he cannot.
  My child plays more and more than what’s planned.
  He finds it difficult to quit playing.
  More often, he tells lies about playing time.
  He uses the computer late at night or before going to school.
  Twenty-hours a week is not enough to play.
  He regularly argues about the time spent in playing games.
  He keeps on playing even if he is scolded.

If most of your answers are “yes,” video games addiction could be what your children are experiencing now.

Playing games is a good pastime to entertain your children’s free time. The problem with video games addiction is not really in playing games.  The addiction comes when children play games all the time at the expense of the significant things in life.  Get some tips and guidelines in order to make your children’s computer and video games addiction not a form of hook but a time to get entertained.

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