Congratulations, you own General Motors

Yes you, Joe Average, Mr Taxpayer, GM could be all yours. That's the gist of a restructuring plan now on the table. By the end of next month, GM's share of the Bailout Fund will hit $20 billion. In the proposed debt for equity swap, the debt gets reduced for a chunk of the business. We, in effect, you and me, under the guidance of our guys in DC, get to own the company. Good deal, right? Unless they go bankrupt after that... There is, after all, that old story about the Mustang Ranch, where the IRS seized a brothel in Nevada for back taxes, then couldn't turn a profit by running it.

News Link: US to take majority GM stake

PS - The Mustang Ranch story is a bit of an urban legend. While it's true the government did own it for a while, they never really got to run it. It's also just as true though, that the IRS had 'planned' to run it, but the judge presiding over the case wouldn't release the business license to the appointed trustee.

The Wide-Track Pontiac

It's being rumored, rather strongly, that the Pontiac division of General Motors, is about to be phased out, going the way of your Merry Old Oldsmobile, as GM tries to stay afloat. For quite a few years now, Pontiac designers have been consistently missing the mark, turning out one dull car after another, so the writing has been on the wall. Still, a Pontiac was my first true Muscle Car, so I'm getting a bit nostalgic here. Back in the day I was a bit of a car nut, and buried somewhere inside I still am. I just don't throw the cash around like I used to, but those were the days. The first set of car keys I kept in my pocket fit the ignition of a 55 Chevy. People have said "Wow you had a 55!", picturing some pristine restoration, when in truth, at the time, it was just a 10 year old Chevrolet. Not long after that, thanks to Uncle Sam, I spent some time on the far side of the Pacific. Since there was no where to spend any money where I was, I came home with just about a whole years pay in the bank. Around $4,000 dollars. Immediately, I blew $3,600 of it on a brand new GTO, feeling it was the best money I ever spent. A few months later, I got T-boned by some jerk running a red light, and the insurance company totaled the car. Soon after, American Motors [remember them?] came out with a 2 seater called the AMX. Short wheel base, 390 cubic inches, I just had to have one. Besides, I had the insurance money from the GTO. Long story short, the car was modified for racing, which made it virtually undrivable on the street, but it was really hell on wheels. Racing the AMX didn't provide a living, and the bills were piling up, so I sold it, and bought [drum roll please] a 70 AMX, street legal. Somewhere along the line, a friend bought a British sports car, a Triumph TR4 I think. It was low, quick, dashed through the corners, and I found myself thinking "This is fun". Hello 1969 MGB roadster. Twin SU carbs that had to be adjusted every weekend, bare wires that shorted out when it rained, but when it ran right, it was a blast. Adulthood was moving in on me fast. Actually it had been there for a while, but I ignored it. However, a baby was on the way. A family car was needed. I just couldn't shake the sports car bug though. A station wagon was out of the question. In my mind, I made a logical compromise. An MGB GT. It had a back seat, well sort of anyhow. Room enough to slip a baby basinette back there. The GT served it's purpose very well. All of a sudden, baby number 2 is on the way. The GT couldn't handle two kids. Time to make another compromise. Needed handling, natch, and maybe some of that old muscle car stuff. At least most of them had real back seats. A 1970 Camaro seemed to be the perfect solution. That sports car bug - A terrible addiction. I still couldn't shake it. I needed something outlandish, an off the wall fix. One day, in a used car lot, I saw it. A Lotus Europa. Made in England, by those crafty folks who built Formula 1 racing cars. The thing was all fiberglass, only weighed 1200 pounds, with a full tank of gas. A big Harley motorcycle weighed 50 pounds more. It was so light, a squirrel could push it 60 miles an hour, and it cornered like it was on rails, your foot never came off of the gas. I wasn't the only person who thought it was neat. The crew that stole it apparently liked it also. Middle age, that's where you succomb to the reality of ho-hum cars. You have cats, dogs, and mortgages. None of those cars will be mentioned here. It's kind of like a shameful past. As with every phase of life though, that one expired too. The old gnawing was back. Sports car - Muscle car - Sports car - Muscle car. Ever heard of a Corvette? I was told "It's a toy - It's just a weekend car - Too fragile, like a thoroughbred". Well it was fragile enough to be driven every day for 210,000 miles. Still had the original engine and clutch when it was retired. Today? I'm back in Compromise Land again. Something to do with remodeling the house. I didn't want a truck, didn't even want a big SUV, but I needed something to haul 2x4's in. It's amazing what you can cram into a little PT Cruiser. The seats even lift out to make that much more room. Wood, insulation, vanities, counter tops, they've all been jammed into that little thing. Still, I think I never should have retired the Corvette. Should have put the money into restoring it. Did we really need two new bathrooms and a kitchen? On the other hand, I maybe could have eased the pain a bit if I had gotten the Cruiser with the Turbo Motor. Mean little sucker, that one is... So where are we going now? Global warming - Energy crunch - Environmental concerns. I'm glad I got to take my shot when I did.

The right to bare... whatever

Folks in Riviera Beach, Florida, didn't like the way some kids wear their pants these days. Seems they'd seen enough of polka dot shorts and butt cracks walking down the street, so they passed a law against it. Droopy drawers carried a fine of $150 for a first offense, and $300 smackeroonies for a second. A county judge however just overturned the ban, and rightly so. Government has no business telling people how to dress. On the other hand, just because you are allowed to do something, that doesn't always mean it's a good idea...

News Link: Saggy pants ban

Perez Hilton vs Miss California

Beauty pageants aren't all that they used to be, but some still enjoy them, and to some they're still important. The Miss USA Pageant was held this past Sunday night, and this one ended on a note of controversy. During a question and answer session, Miss California was asked about her views on gay marriage. She answered thusly - I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. In my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be. Perez Hilton, who asked the question, and calls himself the Queen of All Media, responded this way - She's a dumb bitch with half a brain, and if she had won I would have stormed up on the stage and ripped the tiara off her head. So both parties, obviously, got a chance to say their piece. Just as obviously, only one of them did so with any class. Miss California, by the way, was first runner up. Miss North Carolina was the winner of the pageant, and Perez was kind enough to let her keep the tiara, though we're thinking he probably wanted it for himself.

News Link: Celebrity judge bashes Miss USA contestant

Waterboarding... again

The New York Times is reporting, via a 2005 Justice Department memorandum, that Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the admitted planner of the 9-11 attacks, was waterboarded 183 times by the CIA. Plan on hearing a great deal of hooping and hollering regarding this 4 year old news. In the mean time, let's take emotion out of the equation, and look at it strictly in mathmatical terms. 3000 dead divided by 183 waterboardings means Khalid was only dunked once for every 16 who died. Doesn't seem to balance out.

News Link: Waterboarding memo

Tax Day and Tea Parties

April 15th has come and gone. People paid their taxes, and held Tea Parties. The Tea Parties were to be a symbolic tax protest, based on the Boston Tea Party from all those years ago. Enter one Janeane Garofalo. Maybe you know her, maybe you don't. Google the name, if you must. She is one of those 'I know it all' celebrities. Here is how Ms Garofalo summed up the participants of the 800 or so Tea Parties held around the country this week. Let's be very honest about what this is about. This is not about bashing Democrats. It's not about taxes. They have no idea what the Boston Tea party was about. They don't know their history at all. It's about hating a black man in the White House. I know I had a bottle of aspirins around here somewhere... [groan].

News Link: Garofalo Rant

Pirates

It's reported that Somali pirates have taken in over $200 million in ransoms. That may sound like a lot of money, but in today's world, in the grander scheme of things, it could almost be considered chicken feed...

News Link: Pirate Booty

A Public Service from Comcast

As a public service, Comcast aired Good Friday Mass from the Vatican. As a greater public service, Comcast interrupted the mass for an ad from Girls Gone Wild. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

News Link: Girls Gone Wild on Good Friday

Resurrection

The earthquake that occured in Italy this past week claimed hundreds of victims, yet in the aftermath of trajedies like this, other stories often emerge. One such story concerns Maria D'Antuono, who was buried alive by her own home. Some 30 hours after the quake shook her town, the woman was pulled out of the rubble. The news media was there to film the rescue, and she was composed enough to answer reporter's questions, but before getting into the ambulance, Maria had a request of her own. She wanted a comb, so she could fix her hair. D'Antuono is 98 years old.

News Link: Out of the rubble

Life-like Japanese Robots

Japan is pushing the envelope with humanoid type robots. A week ago a female version strolled down a fashion show runway. Now comes the announcement that by the year 2020 they plan to have a robot astronaut on the moon. Couple this with other developments in artificial intelligence, where computers are learning to analyze things, theorize about them, and make decisions. Wonder what they'll be able to do next...

News Link: One step for a robot...

Political pork database crashes

There is no pork on Capitol Hill, and earmarks are silly names for worthwhile programs. It's all just a big misunderstanding. However... The Appropriations Committee has a nifty little computer system that houses an Earmark Request Database. The nifty little system crashed last year from an overload of requests. The government fixed it, of course, and made it much bigger, so the problem would never happen again. Besides, this is the era of Change, and all that pork is going out the window. The other day, the bigger, better, holds a lot more stuff database, crashed and burned again, overwhelmed by the number of new requests.

News Link: There are so many earmarks that...