Divorce Tips: How Parents Prepare Children for a Divorce

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It is sad when family issues like having a divorce start to break apart parents, children and the relationships.  How hurtful and destructive it is to bring up kids in an environment of regular discord.  Although parents may separate and hide their marital troubles, kids certainly will sense that things are not working right.  The situation becomes a relief for children if both parents share the truth they feel they can.

Steps to Explaining Parents’ Divorce to Children

You are wise to think through the significant matters on how to get ready your kids for divorce.  The efforts you use will make more comfortable and acceptable adjustments as you separate and get divorced:

1.     Discuss with your kids that you’ve been trying to work the problems out.  Tell that you've even asked for a counselor's help to avoid having a divorce.

2.     Explain that although parents may have a divorce, they never divorce their kids.

3.     Tell that kids are not the cause of the divorce and that they cannot get you back together.  Explain that these are parents’ grown-up family issues.   

4.     For the meantime, parents can separate and have a divorce inside the home.  The concept of divorce may not be clear to your kids.  However; as they see their parents no longer sharing a room, kids start to think and get the idea about divorce.

5.     Encourage your kids to ask questions and express their thoughts and feelings.  Parents should let them realize how sorry they are that many things are not doing well between their mom and dad.

6.     Communicate your conviction that even though parents may divorce, things will be much better, although not too soon.   

7.    The moment divorce happens and one parent has moved out, let the children know where the other one lives, and then make plans to visit.  It's important for kids to know that divorce won't keep them from communicating with their parents.

8.     Even if parents will divorce they should allow their kids permission to continue loving them.  All discussions, planning and reassuring will help to reduce their kid's fear of separation and abandonment.

9.    Kids are fortunate enough when you as parents can set aside your differences and work together to separate smoothly.  The efforts of being cooperative will help your kids adjust to the transitions of separation, divorce and new living patterns.

10.   In the process of trying to convince your kids that relationships will eventually work out, you, as their trusted parents will be convincing yourselves, too. 

While parents are doing their best to save relationships, time happens that they may separate and experience divorce.  It may be hard to handle this but show your kids you still care about each other.  Kids always want their parents back again.  Start displaying that children still have loving parents who value each other. So what's your next move after a divorce?  Plan to have a family gathering together.  Probably, you can start ending your divorce from then.

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Discipline Challenge on Bad Behaviors: Why Children Always Ignore their Parents

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It is too easy to fall into the habit of paying undue attention to the bad behaviors of children.  When parents are faced with discipline challenge they become naggers, constantly correcting children’s action.   Obviously this is not helping them to feel good about themselves. 

Parents feel surprised when even very young kids tune them out and don’t listen. They just ignore what their parents are saying.  Kids pout and act allergic to their parents.  These rejecting bad behaviors make sense, don’t they?  As adults, don’t we try to avoid people who regularly criticize us?  Kids, too, feel exactly what adults feel.  They feel bad if they are not treated with respect.     

It is smarter, then, to use our energy to look for and to reinforce our children’s positive actions.  If we constantly point out what they are doing right, we will help them feel proud of themselves.  On the contrary, you shrink the little self-worth they have if you scold them often.

Stressful Discipline Situations

Nerve-racking discipline moments might find us losing our own self-control.  Parents become ineffective when they contribute to the chaos.  The minute parents recognize the bad behaviors, they should slow down, calm down, and allow the more mature self to take over.  It is worth a few minutes to find constructive ways to cope with bad behaviors and apply right discipline.

Initially, kids cannot be left on their own to find solutions to problems about discipline challenge.  Kids need their parents as role models.  Parents need to be active participants in helping kids to clearly see family issues and to have constructive solutions. 

FAQ to Meet Discipline Challenge

Our answers to the following questions will help parents meet discipline challenge in the most effective way parents can:    

     1.   Is this a problem or a challenge?   A Challenge.

     2.   What’s the goal of your discipline?  Self-discipline

     3.   Is discipline for punishment or for change?  For change

     4.   Is discipline something we do to or with children?   With

     5.   Are we treating our children the way we hope they will treat us and others?  Yes

It might be a good idea to have these questions written on index cards in several different rooms.   When we need them, they will be handy to help your move open to a positive discipline path.

What kids learn and successfully use during one stage of development may need to be learned in slightly new ways during another stage.   Each new phase of development builds in the preceding foundation.  With parent’s help, children will begin to look upon difficult situations as challenges and will view themselves as adept problem-solvers.

When bad behaviors have been resolved, parents and kids feel relieved and want to forget that a conflict ever happened.  Later, it is important to review what happened and to congratulate each other over the positive resolutions.

Remember these successful discipline interactions could help parents and children find ways to meeting the next discipline challenge.  More importantly, as parents help their children to recognize bad behaviors and success, they contribute to their feelings of positive self-esteem.    

    Mark Zuckerberg says Children below 13 will use Facebook

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    Facebook will challenge law stopping children using the site ‘at some point,' says founder Mark Zuckerberg.

    The under-13s age should be allowed to use Facebook, the social network’s founder and chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has said.

    Speaking at a summit on innovation in schools and teaching in Newark, New Jersey, Mark Zuckerberg said that the current age limit would be challenged “at some point”.  Claire Perry, Conservative MP for Devizes, who has campaigned for online safety, said that ““I would be very uncomfortable about extending this and I think it’s very, very irresponsible of Facebook to be suggesting it.”

    “With close parental supervision,  Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook site can be interesting and enjoyable. But I know from my own experience it is all too easy for a young child to get involved in situations that I think are really uncomfortable,” she said.

    Facebook’s usual 13-and over age limit elsewhere is dictated by the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), which became Federal Law in America in 1998. Current UK legislation does not, however, preclude Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook from being used by under-13s but the site’s own terms and conditions do. The US is currently reviewing its COPPA legislation. In Spain, only those children 14-and-over are permitted to use Facebook because of national legislation.

    Mark Zuckerberg claimed that the educational benefits of using Facebook were so great that children should be allowed to use the site. The site currently closes the accounts of 20,000 underage users per day.

    "My philosophy is that for education you need to start at a really, really young age,” Mark Zuckerberg said. “Because of the [legal] restrictions we haven't even begun this learning process. If they're lifted then we'd start to learn what works."

    Facebook of Mark Zuckerberg has been criticized in the past for failing to police its own policies that prevent children from using the site, and by a range of government agencies for failing to prevent predators from using the site under an alias to groom children.

    The NSPCC emphasised the need for media literacy and online education.  There have been great benefits brought by the internet but there online bullying is particularly prevalent on social networks. The Information Commissioner has said it is about the age of 12 when a child can understand the risks of handing over personal data and we would agree with that. We would like to see safety tools as prominent as possible, and social networking like Facebook should be proactively trying to identify individuals who pose a risk, not just reacting to reports from children.

    America's Consumer Reports, however, claims that 7.5 million of Facebook's 600 million users are under 13 anyway. Facebook said a large proportion of under-age accounts were either set up by parents for children, or with parents’ knowledge.

    A spokesman of Mark Zuckerberg for Facebook said that “Facebook is currently designed for two age groups, 13-18 year olds and 18 and up. We provide extensive safety and privacy controls based on the age provided. However, recent reports have highlighted just how difficult it is to implement age restrictions on the Internet and Facebook that there is no single solution to ensuring younger children don’t circumvent a system or lie about their age on the site of Mark Zuckerberg. We agree with safety experts that communication between parents or guardians and children about their use of the Internet is vital.”

    Mark Zuckerberg: 13-year-old Children can be Allowed to use Facebook is an article written by  Matt Warman, a Consumer Technology Editor of   The Telegraph.  You can find more of his interesting articles in The Telegraph.

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    Why Parents Have Different Parenting Styles?

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    Having effective parenting styles is very important in a family. This is the way in which a little child will be shaped and formed in his formative years. It extends to childhood, teenage up to maturity stage. Having a wrong parenting style will raise your child in a wrong way and it’s too hard to correct them once they’ve grown up.

    Most of the problems arise only when parents themselves apply different parenting styles. What could be the major reasons? Answers may come from different factors: personality, culture, size of the family, location, background of parents, educational level, religion, and socioeconomic status.

     Within a family, different parenting styles would bring mess in the relationship. If a mother and a father quarrel, the pitiful losers are always the children. Without any intensions, parents feed their kids with much confusions and tensions.

    Say for instance, the father may show an authoritative parenting style while the mother is in favor of the permissive style. A husband may be strict and the wife may be relaxed. One of them could be colder and the other very affectionate. What happens to the children? They get scolded and punished by either one of the parents. The mistake does not even come from the kids but from the parents.   

    Different Parenting Styles – what parents can do   

    1.   Agree with the right parenting style both of you should apply to the child. If you can’t agree well, then combine some of the factors applicable for a specific approach.

    2.   Choose a parenting style that will promote great help and benefits to your kids. Your style should result to a joyful, confident, and successful life of your offspring.

    3.   Parents must discuss it well and agree on certain rules. A father and a mother must support each other and avoid competing. Never have a dispute declaring that a wife’s parenting style is better than the husband’s.

    4.    Although working together could be conflicting between parents, both should strive hard to attain the common goal of effective parenting. It is crucial not to challenge or demoralize the other partner.

    5.   Avoid having arguments in front of the child should troubles arise. Keep this in mind: your agreed parenting style is a progressive stage. Discussing any concerns when the child is not around is more helpful.

    6.   Explain to the child about the implementation. Children are very receptive to information and instructions that are easy to understand.

    7.   Make it simple and educational. Explain that you’re doing this to help them grow into better individuals.

    Different parenting styles and approaches are acquired on the parents’ past experiences. For successful results, it’s crucial that both parents should know how to cooperate with each other. Any varying factors that bring clouds should be dealt with. Parents are the first ones to harmonize with each other to come up with a viable parenting style. Improving your parenting style is a sure way to a happy, fulfilling family relationship.

    Why Parents Have Different Parenting Styles?  is posted in Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

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    When Parents Quarrel – Common Effects Children Experience

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    When parents quarrel they affect their children in unhealthy ways. When they fight and get hurt by words, they tend to say and do something equally hurting.  Often, they do worse things to the other person.  Although parents may regret the effects it brings, the damage has been done to children. Rather than filling the house with love and unity, they find a dungeon-like home, cold and dark. Lots of parents who quarrel just keep the marriage despite frequent disagreements, completely destroying the home's harmony.

    What happens to kids when parents quarrel?
    1.   Feelings get hurt. Children do have fragile hearts. It hurts them deeply to watch their parents quarrel. The effects become worse when the conflict concerns about the children.
    2.   Feelings of insecurity. The atmosphere around the children’s home becomes unsafe. They start to feel insecure because of the hazardous and harmful effects caused by quarrels.     
    3.  Hostility effects among children. When parents have arguments usually it involves resentments, anger, and exchange of hurtful words.  If parents are not careful at all, the bad effects could lead the child’s astray. This is how conflicts between parents could go far.   
    4.   Poor communications. Members of the family refrain from speaking.  Lack of communication dominates, because one person is anxious to express himself to the other members. Then other may turn bitter towards the next.  The outcome effects are extended to the entire family.   

    5.   Effects are not kept secret. When parents quarrel, no matter how much they try to keep it, the effects will eventually be revealed.  Children suffer much about it since they’re unprepared and sensitive.
     When your parents fight what are the effects at home?
    1.   Kids logically look up to their parents; they feel that one day they’ll be like their dad or their mom. How their little hearts shrink when their role models are seen quarreling instead of loving.  When parents quarrel, the effects could poison the home’s ambianceA mom and a dad, even with no intention, would hurt their innocent kids.  It is discouraging and traumatic for kids to watch and hear their parents always quarrel.
    2.   Psychologists state that kids often put the blame on themselves.  They think their parents are fighting because of them.  And the effects to the kids? They feel they are bad that’s why their parents quarrel every day. Without knowing the bad effects, parents will burden their kids with remorse as consequences of their frequent disputes.
     3.   It is even worse when a mom or a dad (after a quarrel)  forces the kids to take sides.   One partner may talk about the shortfall of the other partner in an attempt to win the kids' empathy. Sociologists say that  kids who grow up in homes where parents quarrel a lot have the effects of becoming argumentative spouses when they get married.
     Generally, no parents have intentions to harm their kids, but often things happen just as they should like when parents quarrel.  Fighting in front of your children will have serious effects. When bad effects happen, gentle explanations to children are important to get rid of clouds and doubts in their minds.  Responsible parents must show love and care by trying their best to save their children and avoid the “parents quarrel.”

    When Parents Quarrel - Common Effects Children Experience  is a post on Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

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    Is Technology and Internet Giving Risks or Help to Parents & Children

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    Has the fast development of technology and internet made parenting jobs more difficult or easier?  Are parents and children facing some risks or help?  Does this modern world require some changes in the way we should fulfill our parenting roles?
    No doubt, parenting has always been the most challenging of all our endeavors and this will keep continuing through the coming generations. Technology and internet has made the lives of parents and kids in advanced changes along with some risks.  The effects of technology and internet are here to stay.

    Some Risks of Technology & Internet
    1. Obviously the rise in technology and internet has left parents and kids with problems and risks of stalking, embarrassment, computer addictions, large  phone and gadget bills.

    2. Young kids become sedentary in life as they fix their eyes on screens.  They have no time playing around and outdoors.  The risks:  they can make kids overweight or sick because of insufficient physical activities.    

    3. While means of communications becomes quicker between parents and kids, there’s no intimacy and personal touch along with it.  Parents’ real expressions of love to children are missing and at risks because they are replaced by gadgets and devices.  

     Some Help of Technology & Internet
    1. Putting aside the risks, technology and internet brings a huge wealth of information to both parents and children.  On the part of students, doing research is just at the tip of their fingers.

    2. Within a family, the networking sites have given parents the insights about where their children go and what they do.  With the help of technology and internet parents can discover what their kids are discussing about and who they are talking to.

    3. Kids with divorced parents enjoy the advantages of keeping in touch via texting or Facebook.  This medium of technology and internet is a comforting way to relieve the pain caused by divorce.

    4. Long distance calls in Skype have made it easier for divorced couples to make connections as well as for their kids.

    5. Parents need to educate themselves about the on-line risks  while monitoring their kids' activities.  Parents need to encourage kids to take advantage of  this technology for best benefits but be cautious about the risks.

    Often, the things in life that bring us joy may become dangerous with risks if done in unhelpful manners.  There is so much to gain from this online world and the developments of the present age.  Parents need to educate kids to prevent the risks, misuse and overuse of this technology and internet.
    In this present time, what are your positive and negative experiences when it comes to parenting associated with technology and internet?  This digital time has already begun with some help and risks and these will go on to change our lives continuously as parents.
    How do you think about it?  Is technology and internet giving you more risks than help for your family?  Is it more beneficial to parents and children or not?  Personally, you can answer these by taking time to think about the risks and effects of technology and internet in your own life.
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    Why Children Misbehave -- Bad Behaviors Require Parents’ Non-Reaction

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    Want to know, parents, the real secrets of having happy kids? And what to do when children misbehave? There are a couple of factors to consider and to deal with bad behaviors:  Love and Non-Reaction of parents.

    This is how it goes when kids misbehave:  Expressing love alone is not enough to bring up a good and a happy child.  If love alone is the answer to resolve your kids' bad behaviors, then there would be no more disobedient, stubborn, and defying kids.  Kids misbehave because they lack information, lack some needs, and have some tensions.  

    Aside from showing love, it is parents’ “NON-REACTION” that is required to cope with a child’s bad behaviors. One important parenting style to include is for parents to develop "Non-Reaction" response.  It is simple and yet many parents fall short of this category.  It simply means you ignore their bad behaviors when kids misbehave.  If you talk and react, the more bad behaviors kids are likely to display.

    Non-reaction to Kid's Bad Behaviors

    Webster's dictionary defines reaction as: "opposition or resistance to a force, influence, or action."  Another meaning which is more related to parents is an exhaustion or depressive condition because of exerting too much energy or stimulation. The second line is very familiar to most parents when confronted with bad behaviors, isn’t it?

    Basically, a reaction is happening when two opposite forces have a collision. In the case of a family the two powerful forces are generally parents and kids.  If this happens, the outcome of bad behaviors is usually an  exhausted parent and a  miserable kid.

    Kids as Winners, Parents as Losers

    If you react to bad behaviors during the moments children misbehave, you as a parent are the loser.  No parents have ever won over their child’s bad behaviors.  It’s very ineffective to discipline them when they are angry, tensed, and misbehaving.

    Rather than showing reactions, parents should keep calm and be aware of what's actually behind their kids' bad behaviors.  Let them realize no matter how much they cry, this action makes no sense to you.  This happens if you show non-reaction when they show off bad behaviors.

    The Benefits

    If this is so, then the struggling going on between you and your child is almost over.  Although children will misbehave again, it won’t and cannot bother you anymore.  Their sorts of bad behaviors have no effects to you.  Although kids misbehave, their bad behaviors are not big issues.  This simply means you win and the child loses.

    After this scenario, and when the child has calm down,  put end to your struggle by carefully explaining to him why there’s no need for children to misbehave.  This is the best time for you to explain it.  Surely, the child will listen and understand your explanation.

    In conclusion, when children misbehave and display bad behaviors, avoid giving reactions to their actions.   Talk to them when both of you have calmed down.  Ears and minds are at their ultimate functions to receive information when kids are not misbehaving or showing bad behaviors.

    The next time children misbehave, parents should avoid showing reactions to it.  Parents can see that there are amazing results once bad behaviors are ignored!

    Why Children Misbehave -- Bad Behaviors Require Parents’ Non-Reaction  is posted on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

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        How Technology and Internet Separate Parents from Children?

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         Do you wonder how technology and internet is separating parents from their children? Is it becoming more difficult to turn off your life from this present condition in favor of your kids and family life?    

        Nowadays, almost everybody is totally linked with technology and internet and parents can’t almost switch off their gadgets.  They reach for an iPhone or BlackBerry first thing in the morning and the final thing in the evening, and countless times during the day.  Parents visit their Facebook page to see more updates and they become gradually changing their lifestyles to social networking.

        We get involved so much in technology and internet without realizing how much we may ignore our little children.  But our kids observe our actions all the time.   Our children can view our reliance on the internet, mobile phones and other new gadgets.  It is evident how many people are becoming more distant because of the present technology and internet doings.  Worse, our effective and natural communication has diminished.

        No wonder why younger kids and tweens are emailing and texting just like professionals; technology and internet has made these things possible.  Parents trained them to do it.  We trained them the value of these communication gadgets: how to use a mobile phone, text, email, use on-line.  All these things can’t just be taken for granted.
        How surprising it is to realize that most parents now have lost the capability to literally connect with their children.  Parents pass the buck by saying it’s the kid’s mistakes.  With these technology and internet, kids are the ones whose ears are plugged with ear buds and eyes fixed on computer monitors.  But like virtually all things they do, they got trained into these habits from the parents.  Kids' lack of communication comes from a parent’s missing communication which is diverted to technology and internet activities.

        It is perceived that parents have not indeed lost the desire to connect, train and love their kids.  It is actually not knowing how to make links to bond with their modern children.  Unfortunately, our fast increasing technology and internet activities have made a disconnected communication between parents and their kids.

        What better tips to re-open the communication lines between parents and kids than to go back to the old traditional family quality time bonding.  Probably the most important guidelines for disconnected parents is to begin smiling, hugging, conversing with your children.  This could be done by prioritizing your kids' needs and putting aside technology, internet, gadgets, and computer.  These may not be enough for your children but at least kids will realize parents give them more importance than their inbox and phone calls.

        No one can deny it, it’s already the technology and internet world that make people driven.  Parents and children within a family are involved to this phenomenon.  However, there are still things which the internet and technology cannot do nor replace: it is the natural way of communicating with children with parents embracing, touching, and kissing them.

        Other topics to read on technology and internet:

        The Social Security 'Trust' Fund

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        What happened to trusting a Trust Fund?

        Government budgets used to be in millions, then billions, and now trillions.
        The national debt too went from millions to billions to trillions.
        Social Security, we were told, kept pace with the escalation,
        as more and more workers paid into it.
        The fund grew from millions to billions to trillions.
        $2.6 trillion, to be exact.

        There have been rumors in the past few years that the fund would
        run out of money. Not today, not tomorrow, but maybe in 20 years or so.
        The reason? Baby Boomers. Too many were retiring.
        Too many expecting to withdraw money from the fund they'd paid into.

        So what to do?
        Make them work longer?
        Start killing them off?
        As it turns out, neither option would make any difference.
        Why? Because the money isn't really there...
        It's just gone, stolen.
        Is that too harsh a word?
        How about borrowed?
        The whole $2.6 trillion has been used by various
        government agencies to fund, or bail out, other projects.

        For those of you pointing at Obama, shouting "Off with his head!",
        you might consider this. The looting has been going on for decades.
        Republican administrations, and Democratic ones too,
        have all been complicit in carving up that pie.

        Trust Funds, supposedly, are untouchable.
        The very word 'trust' is defined like this in the dictionary:

        1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc.,
        of a person or thing; confidence.
        2. confident expectation of something; hope.
        3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property
        or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.

        Is there anyone out there who still believes
        you can trust 'any' politician?
        Anyone at all?

        The Social Security 'Trust' Fund

        News Link - Where did the money go?

        How TV Affects Your Children -- Tips on Parents about TV Programs

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        Today is the generation where media affects children and parents are incredibly caught by surprise.  Movies, TV programs, music, internet, mobile phones, other gadgets—all of which have invaded and influenced the lives of many people all over the world.   Kids in particular are the ones benefiting most from this.  A couple of questions to ask: How television affects children? Are the present TV programs good or bad for them?  What is the great impact of TV to children—from local to national to global type of TV programs?

        Issues related to TV programs 

        First.  Research studies do indicate that quarreling in TV programs can encourage critical physical behavior in young kids.  On TV programs, this is portrayed as acceptable behavior.  By watching these actions, television affects children; they become less sensitive to it in general.

        Second.  Kids see hundreds of TV commercials each week.  Few parents could or should buy all the products that commercials teach children to want.  This is one way how television affects the children.

        Third.  If television is set is on all the time, TV programs watching can easily become a habit that is hard to break.  Kids need a lot of leisure-time hours to explore on other activities rather than on TV programs alone.

        What should parents do?

        1.   What parents need to do is limit the amount of time children spend watching TV programs, to avoid them spending too many passive hours.  Don't let long hours on television affects your children.

        2.   They need also to monitor the quality of the TV programs.  A number of TV programs are filled with useful information and provide excellent opportunities for the kids, but others prompt undesirable thoughts and feelings in children.

        3.   Kids differ from each other in their reactions to the same show, depending on their particular sensitivities or reactions to what they’re watching.  This is also one major factor how TV affects the children.

        4.   Be alert to those TV programs that seem to prompt negative responses in your kids, such as excessive anxiety, sleeplessness, bad dreams, increased fears, or stronger behavior.

        5.   Tell them how television affects children and what will be the right programs to watch.  Consequently, they will understand why you are restricting their TV programs viewing.

        Make TV programs advantageous to Kids

        1.   Help them to be critical and evaluate the TV programs they do see.  This will increase their thinking skills and help them to be less gullible.  This way, television affects children positively.

        2.   Ask how they would feel if they were treated the way some of the characters are treated.  Tell them when you find something unbelievable on TV programs and seek their opinions.

        3.   Many serious problems are presented, explored, and resolved within the brief time block of TV programs.  Discuss how rarely this would happen in real life. Explain them how television affects children like them.

        4.   When your kids ask for products seen on TV programs or commercials, buy one and let them compare the difference between what the ads promise and what they actually deliver.  Commercial on television affects children.

        Parents should have active participation to know how television affects their children.  As responsible parents, you can make it an enriching experience for them.  With your guidance, your kids can become informed consumers. You can actually teach, train and discipline them by being selective in TV programs they’re watching!

        How TV Affects Your Children : Tips on Parents about TV Programs
        is a blog post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

          Parenting : How to Train & Discipline Children in This Modern World

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          Children training and discipline is a parenting theme that has been angrily discussed in current years.   A great deal of this reason came from the term 'discipline.’ This displays a portrait of difficult and cruel punishment in the minds of most parents.  Undeniably, the dispute has made many parents of today to choose and accept a parenting approach that is “extremely permissive.”

          We all need training and discipline in our lives.  However, parents have to know what is good and bad behavior, and what things to do and not to do.  We also recognize that there are lots of things in life to do, even if we don't want to.

          What to Do in Training and Discipline

          1.   Truth is none of us is born with self discipline and training.  This is something our kids have to learn early and regularly.  As for the parents, appropriate training and discipline must be something they should know first in order to teach their children.

          2.   One lesson parents have to find out is that training and disciplining kids is done individually. Remember also that one parenting style that works for a child does not essentially become suitable with another child.

          3.   Parenting styles should help to realize that training and discipline requires a link to a child's degree of understanding. In most part, this is a role of age.  But remember each child develops at different rates.   So it’s crucial that kids' needs are to be taken into consideration.

          4.   Any response to bad behavior has to be fitting to the age of children.  Response given in training and discipline should be effective for the individual child. Understand why there is a misbehavior--mostly, kids are in need of missing attention that's why they do it.

          5.   Children training and discipline is not all the time acceptable if it only highlights punishments.  For kids this isn’t going to work.  Teaching them a lesson will always go a long way; imposing punishment will scare them.  However the training and discipline lesson parents are teaching them is not well understood. 

          6.   If a parent is angry while training and disciplining the child, the kid comprehends not the lesson but the anger.  It's the anger which is very exhausting but not helpful that instilled in the mind of a child.

          Applying Logical Consequences

          Alternatively, the use of “logical consequences”--proven to be an effective form of training and discipline--won’t require lots of emotional energy on parents. This makes sense to children, too.  Our kids don't need punishment but unconditional love. What punishment, in any form, cannot do to the kids, love will always do.  Try to link discipline and training to a logical or natural flow.  Thus, it enables parents to choose the most suitable type of children training and discipline.  

          Learn this, parents: Our kids are given to us for protection and love.  Along this is the parenting responsibility to raise them the right way.  It 's our role to figure out the best parenting approach to apply.  It starts with loving them unconditionally. The training and discipline you give should always involve in loving and not hurting. No matter what, they deserve to be loved and respected like adults. This is what parents are called for.

          Parenting : How to Train and Discipline Children in this Modern World  is  a post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

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          Self Esteem for Children: Effective Tips on What Parents should Know

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          Self esteem for children is a defensive covering against various tests of the world.  Self esteem is the beliefs or feelings a growing child may have about himself or herself—it’s self-perception.  It reveals many personal factors that include physical appearance, mental ability, relationship with others, and the capability to adjust to changes.

          The level of self esteem for children would determine how the kids individually react to the world around them.  The people who are important to them—parents, relatives, teachers, peers—can have large impact on the degree of their self-respect. These are some important tips to consider about self esteem:

          Facts about Self Esteem

          1.        No child acquires his self-esteem in a specific day or at a particular point during maturation.  This develops in an on-going process.  This is shaped by every new situation.

          2.       Patterns of self esteem begin at a very early age.  For instance, a toddler who reaches an objective experience can sense an accomplishment that boosts his self esteem.  Learning to be resilient after a bunch of unsuccessful try outs trains a toddler to develop this “I-can-do-it” attitude.

          3.       Generally, children who are fortunate enough to acquire confidence do respect themselves, feel that they belong, and feel competent.   They do excellent things and they’re able to successfully influence others.

          4.       Self esteem for children helps to withstand frustrations, take risks, and do tasks with great outputs. Children become achievers and have sense of pride because of what they attain.

          5.       Self esteem is obtained and not inherited.  It is influenced by many elements.  The most significant thing to understand is how do parents view their kids.  Since parents play the role of models, children frequently copy their attitudes.

          Signs of Low Self Esteem

          1.       On the contrary, children that display low self-esteem perceive themselves as incompetent, unimportant, unproductive, and undeserving individuals.

          2.       They’re fast to speak negative things about themselves and have a broad sense of helplessness about improving circumstances in life.

          3.       Children are not risk-takers and they don’t want to get into situations that may result to worries or difficulties.

          4.       Kids with low self esteem negatively perceive themselves.   They use the same negative measure in dealing with other people.

          5.       They are hard to please, they envy others, and they always have inferiorities when joined with other people.

          Self esteem for children makes positive and negative emotions.  That’s why good parenting styles should focus more on the constructive feelings.   As dependable parents they should know what to do on their children’s developing traits.  Building up the winning character is a guidepost for parents in preparing kids for a life-quality living.

          "Self Esteem for Children: Effective Tips on What Parents should Know" is a post on Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach toTrain & Discipline Children

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          Parenting Styles: 3 Common Mistakes Parents Do to Discipline Children

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          To discipline your child to behave can be a very long process which requires a lot of time, effort, patience, and strategies which simply can’t be done overnight. When done properly, it can be very rewarding and make life's relationship much easier for you, your child and your family.

          3 common mistakes of parents

          (1) Parents using one parenting style and applying it to children with a specific diagnosis like ADHD.  Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a behavioural disorder that is seen in early childhood. You may know it by the name attention deficit disorder ADD.  It makes it hard for people to slow down their impulsive responses that can involve all from movement to words to special treatment.

          Children with ADHD or other forms of analysis will require you to adapt your parenting styles to benefit the child effectively. Punishing a child with ADHD, to discipline him, will not work if this is what you do in your parenting styles.

          (2) Parents looking for the best forms of punishments to deter unwanted behaviours usually want a list of consequences they can use in such a situation. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. It usually tends to be case specific like when your child doesn’t wake up and get ready for school in the morning, you might want to make the child go to bed earlier. Although it solves part of the problem it doesn’t resolve it entirely. What you need are problem solving skills in your parenting styles, rather than consequences to have the right desired effect.

          (3) While applying their parenting styles, they assume that punishing their children will rectify their child’s behavior.  You must have the right discipline strategies in place if you are going to teach your child how to behave with proven methods that work.

          Here are some child discipline tips to stop your child from misbehaving.

          1.   Lead by example and be a good role model for your children so they can follow the rules. They are easily influenced at this stage and mimic what is around them.

          2.   Pay close attention to your child’s behaviour and take swift action if your child disobeys. It is recommended you give a verbal warning very quickly and implement a discipline plan to counteract this behaviour.

          3.   Be firm with them and explain why you are doing this.

          4.   You must remember children will always be pushing the boundaries no matter what stage of development they are at and you must follow through at all times.

          5.   When your child upsets you, do not take it personally. If for example, they swear at you, take time out by calming down and leave the room.

          6.   Next, devise a discipline strategy to rectify the problem.

          To effectively solve problem behaviours, you need to think about what you are going to do with your parenting styles rather than being controlled by feelings. For instance, if kids don’t want to do their homework, you can actually do something about it by turning it into a game making it more fun for them.  If your child is studying history on Thanks Giving, why not turn it into a role play by you and them acting out certain events in Thanks Giving.

          Lecturing about how they should respect you is not constructive as it won’t resolve or change their behaviour.

          Set in place a structure and achievable goals that your kids can work on rather than talking at your children about how they should respect you. What you really need are discipline measures that involve setting limits as well as problem solving skills. You need to ask yourself what is the lesson you would like your child to learn. The lesson may not be a consequence.

          "Parenting Styles: 3 Common Mistakes Parents Do when Disciplining Children" is written by Rhys Klu.  Rhys Klu has more ways to update your parenting styles, discipline children’s  behavioral problems, and improve your relationship.

          Parenting Styles: 3 Common Mistakes Parents Do when Disciplining Children  is a post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

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