Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts

Stages in Growing Up: From 6 years old to 12 (part 2)

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Stages in growing up
The stages in growing up (from six to 12) are usually on the move, going, doing, trying, and seeing different things.  Perhaps they are described as restless.  Because they love being active, they easily miscalculate how dangerous their exploits can be.  They become overconfident and, lacking judgement, have accidents.
 


Nervous reactions such as nail biting, twitches or tics, or finger drumming may suddenly appear.  They are usually caused by anxiety and can fade as swiftly as they appear.  Parents and teachers can help reduce anxiety by having realistic expectations and goals.  Children need adults to praise their efforts, regardless of the outcome.  In other words, the effort, as well as the achievement, needs recognition.  The environment thus created is one in which young people are willing to take risks as they try to find out who they are for these stages in growing up.

Children between six to twelve are eager to learn and are interested in a wide variety of things.  Generally, they can speak better than they can write, and they like hearing themselves talk.  They delight in repeating a story that has gory or scary details.  They willfully dominate conversations and may need some help in learning to share the spotlight.


The stages in growing up (from six to 12) have a strong desire for peer acceptance.  They might participate in sports or join clubs devoted to some special interest and thus begin forming a peer-group identity.  They usually like the stability of having a best friend of the same sex.  Together, they share secrets, interests, and enemies. They attack their enemies, verbally or physically, without realizing how devastating their words or actions might be.  Parents must maintain a delicate balance between interceding and letting the young people work out conflicts on their own.


As children identify themselves with peers, they want to dress like other members of the group and they sometimes go along with collective decisions, even when they know their parents would disapprove.  To pre-adolescents, the admiration and respect of their peers are more important than how their parents or teachers regard their behavior.  They might show off, boast, act silly, or even break the law to gain peer approval.  They seem to enjoy the shock value of using swears words, belching, and passing gas; and they roar with laughter over their blatant obnoxiousness. The stages in growing up (from six to 12) are well aware of what is acceptable and unacceptable and seem to love defying family standards.


On the other hand, pre-adolescents fear rejection by their parents as well as rejection by their friends.  This puts parents in a difficult position—they have the responsibility of keeping their children safe, of enforcing family rules, and of maintaining family values without seeming to reject or belittle the children.  During these stages in growing up it is imperative that parents maintain an atmosphere in which the children feel free to discuss their feelings. Their complaints, even when seemingly unjust or ridiculous, should be discussed, not dismissed.


If pre-adolescents are frequently made to feel ashamed of themselves, they may threaten to behave in self-destructive ways.  Threats of leaving home or harming themselves are too serious to be taken lightly.  When a youngster feels there is no hope, he or she needs professional help.  Family therapy can help the child and parents become more effective with each other.


As children pass through these stages in growing up, parents need to continually believe that there will be a positive outcome.  The hope-filled attitude will encourage everyone involved.  Undoubtedly there isn’t a more challenging job than being a parent; at the same time, there isn’t a job with more potential satisfaction and joy.


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Stages in Growing Up: From Six to Twelve Years Old

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stages in growing up: 6 to 12 years old
During these stages in growing up, children may occasionally demonstrate regression behavior, such as clinging to a parent, demanding special attention, or throwing temper tantrums.  Children of this age are very anxious for peer acceptance and, as a result, try to control their immature behavior at school and in social settings.  As a result, parents and siblings are the targets of their frustration and anger.  These children are no longer predominantly influenced by their families; now teachers and peers play a significant role in their lives.  The social and academic aspects of school also influence a child’s development.

 Children at these stages in growing up, begin to learn about the test abstract ideas, such as being fair or being honest.  At first, they will often expect other people to adhere to such principles, while they bend rules to accommodate themselves.  For example, they might loudly criticize someone caught lying and then, a few minutes later, tell a lie themselves.  This testing of principles helps children learn about acceptable behavior and personal responsibilities.

A child’s fear of failure, at home or at school, can lead to an intense feeling of inferiority and can endanger his or her emotional health.  To avoid this, children must be made to feel accepted and loved by their parents, and the parents should refrain from constant criticism.  Under these circumstances, even when failures do occur, the children can keep their fragile, emerging self-concept from becoming negative or defeatist.

Children in these stages in growing up are often described as argumentative, rebellious, oppositional, irritable with their parents—and affectionate and appreciative.  Their sudden mood swings are not easy for parents to handle and it is a major challenge to remain calm, understand what is happening, and try to deal with it constructively.  Pre-adolescents generally respond well to negotiating as a means of resolving conflict.  Parents who react to misbehavior by letting their children see the logical consequences of their actions help them discover what is fair and why.

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Stages in Growing Up: From Birth to 18 Months

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Stages in Growing up: from birth to 18 months.
During the early stages in growing up (from birth to 18 months) babies learn to trust their environment and their caretakers when their needs are consistently met.  Babies cry to signal hunger, pain, or discomfort, or when they are overly tired.  When adults meet their needs with attention and affection, babies begin to feel safe in their world.

Babies need the stimulation of movies, music, picture books, colorful objects, simple toys, and a lot of chatters.  But don’t overdo it; they need quiet time, too.  The early months of life are a period of great discovery as babies find their hands, their feet, and other parts of their bodies.  As the stages in growing up continue,  babies experiment with their own sounds and try to imitate the sounds they hear. Eventually, they can imitate the words of others.

Some of the physical milestones of development are sitting, standing, crawling, walking, and throwing things down. As babies begin to move around and discover things to play with, parents are tempted to show them how things work.  Resisting the impulse to teach, allowing children to discover as much as possible on their own is important for their growth and self-esteem.

During these stages in growing up, daily routines provide many opportunities for children to take charge of themselves.  Usually before their first birthday children will be able to feed themselves.  When this happens, parents should present healthy food choices and let the children select what to put into their mouths.

During the first 18 months, it is especially important that children receive encouragement from their parents during these stages in growing up.  They need to feel wanted, appreciated, and loved.  This period of a child’s life is critical in forming a positive foundation for the future. 

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Stages in Growing up: Four to Five Years Old

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Stages in growing up
1.  Pre-school and kindergarten stages in growing up provide an opportunity for children to meet new people and face new challenges.  This is a time when children like learning start to develop the ability to cooperate with others.  By five, most kids have already learned to play a variety of roles. Examples: a follower of older children, a bossy leader of younger children, and a cooperative partner with a peer. 

2.  Children begin to have strong preferences in playmates and identify with people of their own sex. As four to five years old children pass through these stages in growing up, their play becomes more complex as their cognitive skills develop.  Even though they may invent imaginary friends and make up stories they insist are true, children at this stage begin to understand the difference between the real and the imaginary.   

3.  Four to five years old stages in growing up ask detailed questions that require thoughtful answers.  They also are curious about their past because hearing about their past helps them feel bigger in the present.  At this time, children become more emotionally independent and are frequently more interested in spending time with their peers than with their parents.

4.  Encouraged by their friends, 4-year-olds often consciously break rules and behave inappropriately.  With or without provocation, they might bite, pinch, hit, or kick; throw or intentionally break things; call people’s names; or use profanity.  These stages of growing up assert the children’s independence by defying parents and teachers.  Angry reactions from adults are often met with smirks and a general attitude that communicates “You can’t get me.” 

5.  Children often experience mood swings at this stage of development.  They begin to understand the concept of “right” and “wrong” but test “wrong” to get adult attention.  Parents have to choose when, where, and how to respond.  Some things can be ignored but it is imperative to react strongly and firmly to the rest.

6.  Four to five years old stages in growing up can take care of themselves in their daily routines.  They might become fussy about their clothing, and they like others to admire what they are wearing.  They enjoy helping around the house, but they usually forget to do the chores they have been assigned.  They may be very sloppy about taking care of their clothes and toys and show a disregard for other people’s things. 

7.  Concentration spans lengthen and, by four and a half, many children spend long periods building, painting, or playing dress up.  They like completing what they begin and the uninterrupted time they require should be provided whenever possible.

8.  Fears recede in intensity and begin to shift from fantasy.  These stages in growing up may worry them about the safety of their parents and the possibility of abandonment.  As children move from four to five years old in life, parents often find them to be more emotionally stable. 

9.  They are more predictable and wild outbursts generally disappear.  Almost overnight children of this age become helpful, cooperative, and very responsive to praise.  Their defiance evaporates, they want to do things the right way, and they are extremely sensitive to criticism. 

10.  Their self-concept is largely drawn from how they think teachers and parents view them.  If they haven’t been ridiculed or constantly criticized, four to five years old move through the year of developing a sense of purpose, inner control, and direction.  The goal of stages in growing up for them is to feel comfortable and capable in their world.

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For Kids: How to Have Power Over Scary Movies

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How to have power over scary movies?
Our neighbors do not monitor what their children watch on TV.  Our 6-year-old son was playing at their house one time when they watched a monster movie.  He came home crying, and ever since he’s been scared about monsters in his room at bedtime.  He recently found out that the same movie is going to be shown every week for the next month, and he wants to see it again.   It frightened him so much the first time, and I think that would be a mistake.   Why would he even want to put himself through those fears again?

When children repeatedly view something that is scary, they make themselves less sensitive to it.  Your son probably wants to conquer his fear of this movie monster.  Some children recreate scary movies by talking out the frightening episodes over and over again.  This verbal repetition helps them feel in control of their fears.

It isn’t advisable to expose children to movies that will scare them.  They’ll have enough fears to conquer during childhood.  However, your child has already watched the movie, so it is already in his mind.  Because he wants to see it again, arrange to watch it with him.  During intermission or after the movie, talk about ways you might have saved yourselves from the monster.  Children enjoy imagining themselves slaying the feared monster and safely escaping.

Some children insist on checking their rooms for lurking monster before they feel safe enough to get into bed.  If your son requests this kind of search, help him and reassure him that he is safe.  He might want to ring a loud bell in his room to chase away potential monsters.  This represents another way to take charge of the environment.

No matter how absurd your son’s fears might seem to you, refrain from ridicule or laughing.  He needs to express his fears in order to control them.  If he feels ashamed of his fears, he might keep them secret.  Consequently, the fears could become more intense.  Help him discuss with you his fears and figure out ways to help him cope with what he’s afraid of.
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A Spoiled Child: 10 Signs That Your Child is Spoiled

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Signs your child is spoiled.
What are the signs to know that your child is spoiled?  Spoil me rotten! Many parents will say that they don’t spoil their child with unending amounts of hugging, rocking, holding, or cooing.  Over-indulgence can make a child spoiled especially when she has passed already her toddler years.  It is so simple to get the spoiled child on the playground and yet it’s much difficult to use a critical eye for us the parents.


Here are the top 10 signs of a spoiled child:

1.   Often, she’s throwing tantrums.  Whether at home or in public, a spoiled child frequently throws many tantrums, and would not care about the people watching around her.


2.   She always feels dissatisfied.  Generally, a spoiled child cannot express complete satisfaction with what she has.  If she sees a toy or something, she will still want to get it.

3.   A spoiled child is lazy to help and work.  Child normally doesn’t like to help in cleaning up or doing household chores.  But the moment a child has passed her toddler stage, she must be willing to help in the family like doing small tasks, and organizing or cleaning her own stuff.  

4.   She always wants to control her parents and other adults.  A spoiled child oftentimes will not delineate between her parents and peers.  She will always expect both of them to listen to her.

5.   Most of the times a spoiled child will make you feel angry and embarrassed in public.  There is always a mistake here and there.  If in case a child expressly embarrasses her mother or father in public just to look for attention, you better go to an isolated place.

6.   She doesn’t like to share.  Small toddlers find it hard to master the art of sharing and giving. However, if she reaches her 4th age, she must already be willing to share her stuff like toys and food, with other members of the family.  

7.   A spoiled child wants you to beg her.  A person in authority like the parents or caretaker should be followed by a child when giving a request to her.  There is no need for you to beg her to make the task done.

8.   She ignores you most of the time. A child does not want hearing a word like “no” but she’s not supposed to pay no attention to you when you’re talking to her.  She must learn to listen and do what you say.

9.   She cannot play by herself; she doesn’t want to play alone.  At the age of 4, a child must then be able to play and be willing to play on her own.  It demonstrates that she’s still in need of attention if she calls her parents and playmates to play with her.

10.  A spoiled child wants bribing. Parents are not supposed to bribe their children in doing their assignments or when performing some tasks.  Avoid bribing with toys, money, or treats just to get her finish what she’s doing.

Probably, the simplest thing parents can do to is to have a spoiled child, and it is more difficult if we learn to keep the child punished.  So put some limits to yourself to make things a lot easier.  Limitations will set boundaries to your kid’s every need and demand.  Allow yourself as parents to agree some limits with your children, and you’ll be amazed how these 10 signs that your child is spoiled will ultimately be over.

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How to Raise Good Kids: Be Realistic, Kids Mess Up

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Kids are not perfect. How to raise good kids is not expecting perfection. They mess up most of the time.  They are kids, especially when it comes to grades.  Good grades are not worth crying over.  Good grades are not worth sacrificing social balance over.  Ask your kids to do their best then teach them to be satisfied with their results.



LIST ON HOW TO RAISE GOOD KIDS:

     1.    If you have little bitty kids, sit on the floor a lot.  Communicate at their level.
     2.    Teach them about money.  How to earn it, save it, invest it, spend it, and give it away.
     3.    Raise good kids by listening to them.  Ask more, tell less.
     4.    Hug more—this is what they need—then nag less.
     5.    Show your kids good affection even after they think they are too big for it.
     6.    Teach them good, important things: kindness, charity, love, forgiveness, compassion, respect, honesty, responsibility, and how to have fun.
     7.    Never lie to them if you want to raise good kids.  Never tolerate any lie from them.
     8.    Raise good kids by developing their own uniqueness.  Do not try to mold their personality. 
     9.    Let them be who they are and let them become what they want to be, not what you want them to be.
   10.  Do not make jackass out of yourself at their sporting events.
   11.  Raise them up but do not protect them too much.  Let them make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences.  The lesson is in the consequences.
   12.  Give more love than stuff and you’ll raise good kids.


STAY INVOLVED TO RAISE GOOD KIDS

Know what is going on in your kids’ lives.  Know what their good interests are.  Know their friends.  Have their friends over to your house for a party.  Yes, they will trash your house, but it is better to have a messed up house than a dead kid.  We raise children but they die these days.  There are guns and drugs and suicide and pedophiles to deal with.  We do not have too many of those things to deal with when we were younger.  Kids today deal with more serious stuff than we ever did.  The best way how to raise good kids is to keep your kids involved and you being involved with them.  Know who they hang around with, know where they go and have their friends come to your house so you can be close—not to meddle in their business, but just so you will be there if needed.


GIVE THEM THEIR PRIVACY, BUT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON

Do not read their email or their diaries.  Do not be a snoop.  You need to stay informed but if you violate their privacy they will resent you and cut you off from any and all information.  If you really want to raise good kids know what is going on, establish a relationship based on open communication, trust, and respect.  Then you will not have to resort to being a snoop in order to stay informed.


BE COOL BUT NOT TOO COOL

Be the good, kind of parent your kids can talk to.  But do not be their best friend.  Do not try to be one of the gangs.  I raise good kids with my two boys.  I am their friend but I am still their father.  We can openly talk about anything in the world.  Yet, there is a line between being their best friend and still being their father that we do not cross.

It is sad to see mothers and fathers trying to be their kids’ good friends.  Children should pick their own friends.  Let them.  Do not be such a needy parent that you require your children to pick you as their best friend.  Be realistic on how to raise good kids!

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Educating and Teaching Responsibility to Your Kids

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      Every parent wants his or her children to learn the virtue of being responsible.  We’ve always wanted our kids to be trained in making wise decisions.  Later in life, we want them to grow up responsible for their deeds and keep living as mature people. 

      Are parents good enough to teach children on responsibility by doing household chores?  Tasks at home are important to building up responsible children. But what about being trained and learn to be accountable for their own deeds?  How are parents at taking charge for their actions?  Do parents offer opportunities to disappoint children instead of making them driven and responsible? These things happen in every corner of a home.

      Children start valuing themselves as family members the moment they are able to make simple contributions.  Although very young, they can already begin to hang their own clothes, keep their toys inside a big bin, help mop the floor, fold the laundry, or wash the dishes.  For each stage and age level, a parent can increase their children's tasks in order for the latter to become more responsible.  Added work should be appropriate to their age.

      If parents practice discipline that results to logical consequences, they’re actually training the child to be in authority over their behavior.  In contrast, it seldom works when a child always receives nagging, reprimand, or punishment.  If they are exposed to these things, children won’t learn the sense of responsibility.  The conditions will only terrify the child.  The repercussion is a neglected trust and respect between parents and children.  Remember, one of our major jobs as parents is to train children and make them responsible for their  activities.

     You can try giving lots of opportunities for them to understand what responsibility is.  The life core of a person is about choices.  Though toddlers may look too young too make choices, 1 or 2 entrusted responsibilities can make a big difference.  Like mature people, children must live according to the costs of their decisions.  Whether they do well or make mistakes, still the experience promotes respect and self-worth.

      More often than not, parents always mingle with the activities of the children.  They take most of the troubles where in fact it’s the children who personally own the problem.  Parents are more overwhelmed about uncompleted homework.  If we gradually detach ourselves from them, we’re teaching them to be responsible for whatever they do.  We can support them by showing our faith that they can handle difficulties.  

  Guidance and backing up are great to offer.  We may ask: “What would happen if you can’t get the homework done?” “What would you do now since you didn’t meet the requirement?”  However, always be there to uphold them when their attempts fail to work.  


      How are you at measuring your children's ability to handle strong responsibilities?  How quick are you to put blame on them?  Do you take rights for your part in the problem?  Children are taught only to be victimized; they never learn that they are the ones to take charge of what’s happening.  But a real responsible person faces the challenges to change things instead of passing faults to others.   

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Picky Eaters: Parenting Tips for Picky Children

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Do you have picky eaters at home? Do you think your preschool child eats only hot dogs and he does not want to try other food? Would he prefer to play around than to eat good food? Parents don’t need to get frustrated with their children who are picky eaters.  In order to avoid consistent struggles, parents can provide great help to their child and family.


There’s no need to be worried about what your child doesn’t want to eat.  Don’t take things seriously because you are not alone.  There are many children who are picky eaters but you can do something to make them driven and eat good food.


Food Eating Tips for Picky Eaters

1.  Understand your child’s lack of food desire.  Never force a child to eat his snack or dinner if you think he does not feel hungry.  Avoid bribing him either with money or anything just to eat all the food in his plate.  Probably, this may only result to a more difficult fight between you and your child.  Worse, your child might develop a feeling of frustration or anxiety.  Do not overwhelm the picky eaters.  Try serving little food portions only.  Most importantly, provide an opportunity for picky eaters to demand for second serving if they want to eat more.

2.  Keep the regular eating time. Serve the food every day within a fixed time schedule.  If snack is served at 3:00 p.m. and dinner is 7:00 p.m., then stick to it.  Don’t change the routine time to eat for picky eaters.  Give milk or juice together with the food; but give only water between snack and dinner time.  If the child drinks juice and milk the entire day, he will lose the appetite when it is time for dinner.

3.  Be patient with strange food.  Picky eaters would always react to the smell or appearance of a new dish.  Instead of eating, they may taste a little of it and then drop it out of their mouth when they dislike the taste.  The trick here is to expose frequently the new food.  It takes several days before picky eaters begin to the food.  Entice him to eat by describing the goodness of the color, shape, smell, texture—not the seemingly bad taste.  For picky eaters, a new food is not acceptable until they become used to it. 

4.  Make the new food look exciting.  Serve veggies, fruits, and broccoli with the child’s favorite sauce.  Using a designed cutter for cookies, you can slice the food in different forms and shapes.  Serve bright-colored food.  Make the new food physically delicious and attractive to picky eaters.
5.  Seek for the help of your child.  When buying in a grocery store, ask your child to choose what vegetables, fruits, and nutritious food to get.  Never purchase food he does not want to eat.  When it’s time to prepare the food, tell her to join you in cutting, rinsing, and cooking.  Ask her to set the table so she could eat the food both of you have prepared. You can always encourage picky eaters to eat the food they cook.
6.  Don’t serve another food.  Children become more picky eaters if you prepare another food for them.  If the child refuses to eat the served food, motivate your child to stay and not to leave the table.  Serve again the food several times for the next few days until the child becomes accustomed with the new food.
7.  See a doctor.  Just in case the developing growth of the picky eaters is compromised, then see a doctor.  Take into consideration the last 3 days of your child’s food intake and its amount.  This may help in easing anxieties.  In addition, a record of your child’s food will help the doctor to identify any problem. 
Bear in mind that it takes time to change the eating habit of picky eaters. It’s not an overnight process. However, the steps you take every day are little successes in stimulating a healthy eating habit for picky eaters. 

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Fighting Children: How to Handle Sibling Rivalry

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Although there are more chances for siblings to become good friends, it is normal to experience sibling rivalry and understand how to deal with fighting children at home.  More often, a rivalry begins when another child is about to come.  The conflict may grow deeper.  They will start looking for things like toys, dress, food, and even parents’ attention.  As they continue to grow, their needs will have impact on how they deal with each other, and then fighting begins.

It is annoying to see fighting children most of the time. It is upsetting to live in a home that’s noisy and full of anxiety.  It is even harder to stop their sibling rivalry going on.  But it’s not bad at all because parents can have guideposts to work for peace between the two siblings.


There are a number of reasons why sibling rivalry and fighting never leave your home.  There’s a degree of strong competition and jealousy that causes arguments and backbiting.  But more factors can further create siblings rivalry that worsen the condition.  They may include the following: 

1. Needs for growing up. It is but common for fighting children to experience anxieties and varying needs that have direct influence to their lives.  For instance, toddlers shield their toys with exaggeration.  They are assertive most of the time.  When a baby grabs that toy, the toddler becomes forceful.  From there comes a sibling rivalry.

School-age children possess the concept of equality and fairness.They may wonder why their younger siblings get better attention.  Teens, on the contrary, have developed independence and individualism.  They dislike helping in household chores like caring for younger siblings.  These differences will strongly influence sibling rivalry.

2.  Unique Personalities. Fighting children take place when there’s individual temperament. Things like moods, flexibility, and character play roles that directly relate to a sibling rivalry.   For instance, if one of the children gets easily upset while the other one is relaxed, both may have sibling rivalry.  In the same manner, a child who lacks comfort, love, and support from parents would have hard feelings on his sibling who freely receives good treatment.

3.  Illness of sibling.  At times, there are some special needs that require more time and attention of parents like when a child is sick. Kids always feel jealous when parents do this since they don’t fully understand the reason why.  They may complain and feel envious.

4.  Fighting Parents. How children see their parents deal with conflicts is likely to be imitated by them.  If the husband and wife resolve a conflict with respect, and not being hostile, fighting children will embrace your technique of facing problems. On the other hand, if parents habitually slam the door, noisily debate, and disrespect each other, the same bad behavior will be replicated by the fighting children.


What to do when sibling rivalry fight begins

Obviously, it is not comfortable for all members of the family when sibling rivalry occurs.  There is always a tolerable level for the fighting children.  When the match begins, what should parents do? The following are highly recommended:

1.   Separate the struggling kids and wait till they have both calmed down. When things get worse, the best thing to do is give space to the siblings.  If not, the fighting becomes heightened.  Wait till anger and resentment have disappeared.  Then it’s time to talk about the sibling rivalry when both are not fuming.

2.   As much as possible, avoid joining the quarrel.  If you keep getting involved, you’re making it worse. You may intervene only if you think there’s physical injury going on. There is a tendency that you will favour one and dislike the other and a bigger problem may arise--more fighting in home.

3.   Parents may coach the fighting children using gentle words of advice. This is not the same with intervening.  They can be encouraged to resolve the issues themselves.  If you think there’s a need to step in, address the conflicts with both siblings.

4.   Avoid highlighting the sibling rivalry by pointing out who is at fault.  Don’t blame either one of them.  There’s a fight for two siblings, and if you join the fight you are relatively accountable.

5.   Prepare a win-win position for the fighting children to achieve something.  For instance, when a favourite toy is the source of the fight, probably an interesting game could be set up by you.  Both could enjoy and play together.

Always remember that sibling rivalry happens to receive the attention of their parents.  In this situation, why not take a time-out option for yourself. Fighting children may disappear when a parent leaves at the moment.  And if your patience reaches the limits, consider handing your children over to a third party—a relative or a friend probably. There is always a solution for fighting children.


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